Another Email Exchange Between A Broken Pledge And His Concerned Mother

Dillon Cheverere11 years ago

Moms worry. It’s what they do. It doesn’t matter if you’re playing sports, driving on long road trips or dating that new chick she’s still unsure of–she is always worried something bad will happen to you. It’s on page 1 in the Mom Guide. It’s her nature, and it’s because she loves you. This becomes exponentially truer when you leave her nest for college.

She has to keep in touch with you.

Catch up on parts one, two, three, or four of the email exchange if you missed them.

From: Mom
Subject: SURPRISE!
Date: March 26, 2013 8:02 AM
To: Carl

Hi Carl. It’s Mom again.

I’ve decided that the somber tone of these emails has to end, so I’m bringing good news. GUESS WHAT?! We’re coming to visit youuuuu!

Your father and I are already packing our bags and we’re leaving right when he gets off work tomorrow evening. Oh, my sweet Carl, we can’t wait to see our boy and meet his new friends. Do you need anything from home that could cheer you up? Any nicknacks from your bedroom that you miss? Something that reminds you of home? Maybe a framed photo of your loving mom? LOL just kidding, Carl.

See you soon.

XOXOXOXO

Mom

P.S. We may even bring a little four-legged passenger with us. 🙂

From: Carl
Subject: Re: SURPRISE!
Date: March 26, 2013 10:44 AM
To: Mom

Mom,

You cannot come visit me right now. It can’t happen. It’s literally the worse timing possible. I’ll let you know when you can come. Thanks for the thought, though.

– Carl.

From: Mom
Subject: Re: Re: SURPRISE!
Date: March 26, 2013 10:49 AM
To: Carl

Sweet Carl,

You’re so thoughtful and kind. I know you’re just so caring and feel bad about Dad and I making the two-hour drive to your college. But I promise you, we’re SO EXCITED to come see you. Besides, it’s been ages since your father has been back to “the old stompin’ grounds.” I think he misses his old frat house too. Hahaha, he’s looking forward to it.

Can’t wait to see my boy. Love you bunches.

Mom

P.S. I found your old pajamas that you used to always wear before bed. I packed them for you. I can’t believe you forgot to bring them to college!

From: Carl
Subject: Re: Re: Re: SURPRISE!
Date: March 27, 2013 3:55 PM
To: Mom

Mom, I love you, and I’m trying really hard not to cuss right now, but I’m not just trying to be nice. You really can’t come see me.

– Carl

From: Mom
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: SURPRISE!
Date: March 27, 2013 3:58 PM
To: Carl

Too late!!! Guess who got off work early today? 🙂 We are already on the road! Lol. See you in about an hour, Carl! Pick out a good dinner spot for us and feel free to invite a couple of your frat friends (or even a pretty young lady 😉 ).

P.S. Baxter is riding shotgun. He loves staring out the windshield.

From: Carl
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: SURPRISE!
Date: March 27, 2013 4:11 PM
To: Mom

I’m going to assume you’re joking since I told you not to come.

– Carl

From: Mom
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: SURPRISE!
Date: March 27, 2013 4:14 PM
To: Carl

No sir! Not a joke. We’re coming to cheer you up!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Mom

From: Carl
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: SURPRISE!
Date: March 27, 2013 4:15 PM
To: Mom

Mom, I’m losing it. Please excuse my language, but turn the motherf****ing car around right now. I’m not joking. Do you know what a pledge lineup is? If you don’t, ask Dad. He’ll tell you. That’s what I have planned for tonight. My life is already miserable and the lineup tonight is supposed to “separate the pussies from the bigger pussies.”

Kill me now.

– Carl

From: Mom
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: SURPRISE!
Date: March 27, 2013 4:18 PM
To: Carl

A lineup? Is that something we can come to? I want to meet your new friends! Yay! This is so exciting! 😀

Mom

P.S. Can Bax come too?! Should we bring anything?

From: Carl
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: SURPRISE!
Date: March 27, 2013 4:28 PM
To: Mom

Please have Dad text me. I can’t use the phone right now or I’d call him. This is a very serious matter. HAVE DAD TEXT ME NOW. You won’t listen to me.

I swear to you I will smother Baxter in his sleep if I see your car pull up today. This is the worst day of my life.

– F*#@&ing CARL

From: Carl
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: SURPRISE!
Date: March 27, 2013 4:47 PM
To: Mom

MOM!!!

From: Mom
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: SURPRISE!
Date: March 27, 2013 4:56 PM
To: Carl

Beep Beep! Lol. Guess who’s almost to your street!!!!!

Kisses,

Mom

P.S. Sorry, my phone fell between the seat and the console so I missed your messages.

P.P.S. Baxter is so excited to see you!

From: Carl
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: SURPRISE!
Date: March 27, 2013 4:57 PM
To: Mom

If you take Baxter out of the car, I am very literally going to murder him in front of your face.

– Carl

From: Mom
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re Re: Re: Re: SURPRISE!
Date: March 27, 2013 4:57 PM
To: Carl

You’re a monster, Carl.