Arizona State University Installs Prescription Drug Vending Machine On Campus

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Just when we thought things couldn’t get any crazier at ASU, you can now buy pain pills from a vending machine. Sure, they’ll also carry boring stuff like antibiotics, but I’m sure that’s definitely why the students on campus are so thrilled about its arrival. I’m sending my thoughts and prayers to the admissions officers over in the administration building who are probably about to get the biggest influx of transfer applications the school has ever seen. ASU has come up with some reasoning for this machine, which sounds fine in theory, until you recognize that you’re putting this on a college campus–particularly ASU. This was a terrible, terrible decision by the university staff.

In an attempt to make student and employee healthcare more efficient, ASU has come up with this simple solution. Go to health services on campus, get diagnosed, walk to a vending machine with your voucher, get your meds. The benefit of this, of course, is that sick students who need antibiotics or Tamiflu don’t have to drive their sniffling selves over to Walgreens and can have their medication needs filled instantly. That makes sense. What I’m baffled by is that it looks like university officials have also authorized this machine to be filled with loads and loads of pain meds, too.

Although school officials haven’t confirmed a list of the more than 50 drugs that will be available in the machine, the company that created this little magic box says it will carry medications that are urgently needed, such as antibiotics and pain medications. Will it also carry Adderall during finals and Plan B during formals? Officials haven’t said, but I think those definitely fall under the category of “urgent” needs.

The machine is justified by manufacturers saying it has vault-lock technology, making it nearly impossible to break into. Because that’s what college students would do instead of following their friends with prescriptions to the machines and collecting a handout. Yeah, that would never happen. College students are angels. My guess is that this thing won’t last until Christmas.

[via CBS]

Image via Arizona State University Health Services

    1. Joe Willie

      Dear Grandex,
      To those who struggle with drug addictions this article is highly offensive. Please remove it.

      11 years ago at 1:35 pm
      1. heyphil

        Dear Grandex,
        Please Remove Joe Willie. I enjoy struggling with my addictions, dick.

        11 years ago at 2:30 pm
    2. Joe Willie

      Caucasian-American gentlemen with mullets and Camaros have been delivering prescription drugs to campuses for decades!

      11 years ago at 3:03 pm
  1. Minnesota Nice

    I guess our freedoms have been taken away. I think we have it worse than the Chinese or Russians

    11 years ago at 12:04 pm
  2. Shibby

    Dear RecruitmentChairTSM,
    🙁 I’m just not in the mood today 🙁 #Forumgeddon
    Love,
    Shibby

    11 years ago at 12:10 pm
    1. Virginia Gentleman

      I’m just getting caught up now Fribby. My only question is, WHY?!??!?!

      11 years ago at 1:54 pm
    2. Quartermaster_TFM

      I never thought I’d see the day that Shibby was in the mood. Today is truly a dark day in history.

      11 years ago at 3:41 pm
      1. StarShieldandLamp

        I’ve been balled from saying any comments with the word “Rofum” (descramble it) in it. This is pure communism!

        11 years ago at 2:26 pm
  3. oobadah

    How is this a bad idea? You need a voucher that only lets you get the medicine its says you can get. This is a terrible article show us your tits and go back to TSM.
    #16novemberneverforget

    11 years ago at 12:22 pm
  4. DrunkGeneral

    Woohoo. Thumbs up for censorship, gentlemen. While the site is obviously satire, it still somewhat represents Fraternity men from around the country, and Fraternity men are NOT liberal. For the love of God, just bring back the forums! Are we not all adults here? #NeverForget

    11 years ago at 3:26 pm
    1. DrunkGeneral

      And just for the sake of staying on the topic of the article/column, while it’s a pretty decent idea, I’m sure it’s gonna have it’s downsides. Trying it out at ASU of all schools was probably the worst place to test it but I guess go big or go home.

      11 years ago at 3:28 pm
  5. TheGreatCornholio

    If those machines have bars in them they’ll go faster than, well, i’m not sure. I’ve never seen a fucking Xanax vending machine.

    11 years ago at 3:43 pm