Arkansas’ Freshman Punter Got Drunk, Pissed On Light Pole Like A Dog, Got Arrested
10 years ago

Arkansas Freshman Punter Gets Drunk, Pisses On Light Pole, Gets Arrested

Over the weekend, Blake Johnson, the nation’s 2nd best punting recruit who committed to Arkansas, got piss drunk. During his drunken stupor, he had to drain the main vein and did so on the first thing he saw: a light pole. Like a dog. Unfortunately for Blake, the police caught a glimpse of him and arrested him on the spot for public intoxication, minor in possession, and disorderly conduct.

From 5 News Online:

According to a police report, Johnson was found urinating on a light pole in a university parking lot at 1:39 a.m. by an officer. When the officer approached him and asked why he was urinating on the light pole, he responded “because I needed to go.”

A+ answer by Johnson, here. When you’re drunk, and the seal has been broken, you don’t have much time to run through the possible places that society deems acceptable for you to piss. It’s that type of quick thinking that separates the seasoned drinkers from the amateurs.

We don’t wait for long lines to the bathroom. If the sink is open, you piss in the sink. Open trash can? You bet. A bush outside? It just needs a little water. A girl’s butt? Even better. All I’m saying is that Blake had to go, and that light pole was destined for a little pee. You can’t fault the man for that.

What makes this story even better is that Johnson was so drunk that he told officers he was coming from Riverside, CA (where he is from) when they asked where he had been that night. Johnson is already making a strong case for being my favorite punter of all-time.

[via 5 News Online]

  2. Rosa Parks Fan Club

    Must have been a slow Monday if this is what passes for content around here

    10 years ago at 3:27 pm
    1. Buckeye

      And you must be severely mentally handicapped if this is what you call “slow Monday content”

      10 years ago at 4:01 pm
  3. HawaiianShirtFridays

    The best punters are the ones that don’t give fuck. Pat McAfee is a great example

    10 years ago at 3:28 pm
    2. Texas Tux and Oil

      Meg, did you forget you are in a place were we pee in butts and have an authority complex because we are the authority?

      10 years ago at 3:45 pm
  5. geed_N_proud

    Substitute sorority girl’s butt in place of a light pole and this article would be a typical weekend night for me.

    10 years ago at 3:55 pm
  6. Larry_Sellers

    I can’t remember if this has been proposed before, but you all should make a “TFM writers read mean comments” video with just Steve Holt. Hell, you could make 20.

    10 years ago at 4:01 pm
  8. Antebellum_Fratting

    This means that his entire team will have to undergo urination training and possibly face suspension for sexual harassment of the light pole, right? No? Just fraternities? Ok.
    It’s infuriating that some organizations can have the one-equals-all rule applied and others are on a case-by-case basis.

    10 years ago at 4:09 pm
    1. TauKappaFratt984

      Yes, we are all aware that fraternities are disproportionately mistreated in many cases that may look similar to this; you’re preaching to the choir. So can’t we just read and enjoy some articles for what they are, simple drunk stories that provide a little chuckle?

      10 years ago at 4:49 pm