ask neckst dore naybor ruger_dern

Ruger_Dern12 years ago

A column submission so ridiculous, we just had to post it.

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sumtimez lyfe throw a dilema ur wey dat u dew nawt no how 2 handel n ur therapiss iz 2 much uv a pusy 2 talk 2 abowt it. datz y ruger_ iz heer, below r 10 questins frum sum luvely peeple in teh tmf community deez questins were pikked based on if i thot many peeple cood benefit frum mi noledge on teh subjectz.

put on teh infamus ruger_dern/beca martee secks taype. nawt only wil it tel her exaktly wut ur intenshins r, but ur bich wil bust her vugina nut reel qwick aftr pretendin it iz ruger_ taekin her 2 pownd town n u kan jus pretend she came bcuz ur good at secks or sumthin

i haev 2 fukin wordz 4 u idiut; wet wypes. acording 2 a study i did one tiem, u spend a ful week uv ur lyfe wipin ur ashole .,. y teh fuk wood u spend dat week wiping ur baloon knot wit nethin besydes teh smoothest stuf posible?/

wyle i dew nawt no ur grandma personally, if dare iz 1 ting i no it iz bichez. no mater how old bichez get dey still want teh sayme ting “a solid diking”. now if ur grandpa iz stil around he iz probubly haevin trubble getin dat dik uv hiz 2 lewk lyke nething uther than a wet pool noodel sew u kan kil 2 birdz wit 1 stone n just get ur grandpa a bunch of boner pillz, now grandma iz getin dikked n grandpa kan feel lyke a man again. if grandpa iznt around nemore; jus buy ur grandma a wet pool noodel…itll feel lyke he iz stil dare. marry cristmas 2 ur grandmaz vugina budy, she sowndz lyke a hore.

brutha, haev u evr jerkd off in the showr wit soap?/ i kan tel u frum experience dat teh dry skin on ur ballz iznt worth it.., i lived wit dat shit all freshmin yeer cuz i didnt wunt peepel 2 c dern bring moysturizer in2 teh wimmenz dorm showerz

stahp shovin stuf dat iz 2 big in2 ur ashole u fukin weerdo

dependz on teh gurl. iz dis a 1 nite stand n i wil nevr c dis bich again?/ if sew den fuk it #yolo i dew nawt kare if she wunts 2 pretend her fingr iz a worm digin thru ole dernz buthole. now if dis iz a gurl i plan on seein again n she iz reely in2 dis shit., den i em guna need sumthin in return sew dat i kan blakmale her if she tellz ne1. probably gona need her 2 let me shit a poop in2 her vugina cuz i haev alwayz wunted 2 dew dat ;| … ladeez
but wutevr u dew dont let her put a fingr in ur dikhole dat shit fukin killz n only feelz gewd 4 lyke ten secondz. trust me

am glad u asked dis, u must haev herd dat i jus got mi law decree frum teh univercity uv feenix online. furst tings furst; day r guna send owt a notice 2 evry1 on campus 2 worn dem dat u r a fukin creep, simpul fix 2 dis iz 2 jus chaynge ur fukin naem u idiut but maek it sumthin kewl lyke “peenus fuker’ dat wil get u all teh bichez u wunt. secundly, wen it cumz 2 masterb8in in prizon ur best bet iz 2 dew it wyle u r staren ur cellmate directlee in teh eyez bi dewin dis u r establishen dat u want 2 hav him involvd in ur lyfe wyle u r in jale n dat he shood b comfortable around u. i no dis bcuz i wuz a psychologee majer 4 a semester til teh professir shuved her fingr in mi dikhole

wow if u gaev her “teh sandman’ n she did nethin uther den demand dat u dew it again, den u deserv wutevr conseqwences r cumin ur wey cuz she sowndz lyke teh wurst hookup evr. syde note if u tink givin girlz teh sandman iz fun, u shood try given dem a “jak frost” itz a ruger_ originul ware u put an artificial sno blower in2 ur rewm n maek a sno hill n den stik ur dik in it 2 num it (or dis neckst step wil hurt}, den ski down teh hil full speed n jam ur dik in2 ur slamz pusy. skiin iz frat az fuk n sew iz jamin ur dik in gurlz sew teh jak frost iz 1 uv teh fratest weyz 2 bang chix.
ur welcum

if u r sure it iz dorn den yes dew it; itz bacon hu u shood hide ur buthole around. dat slipery raskal haz emaled me frum dornz acount moar timez den i kan count n i kan count prety hi.

itz prety obvius 2 gurlz wen u r dewin teh tuck sew i had 2 fined a new way 2 dew it ware u stik ur dik thru teh zipper in ur pantz n den hang ur hat over it lyke a coat hangr. i dew dis all teh tyme n sumtiemz i even giv miself bonerz sew i kan taek mi sumbrero off wen it getz heavy.

___i em glad i cood b of asistance 2 deez trubled gentelmen in dare tiemz uv kneed. in teh event mi advise wuz nawt enuf 2 help u; i no a kid in mi fillosophy class hu stole a perskription pad frum hiz doktor so he kan hook u up wit hapee pillz.

luv u guyz <3 ,

ruger_dern ;0