Awesome Man’s Obituary: Do Not Vote For Hillary Clinton
11 years ago

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The obvious plus to Hillary being elected next year is it means Slick Willy is back at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. We can probably assume his days of sticking a cigar inside an intern’s vagina before putting it in his mouth are behind him, but he’s still Slick Willy, and a tiger can’t change his stripes. And his title would be First Gentleman. That’s cool too, I guess.

Of course, Bill making female subordinates sexually uncomfortable in the White House unfortunately means Hillary will be our Commander in Chief, and that doesn’t sit well with a lot of people, including one fine American who recently passed away.

Larry Darrell Upright, 81, of Cabarrus County, passed away on April 13. He was a loving husband, father, and grandfather. He also “enjoyed golfing, fishing and spending time with his family.” Basically an All-American man. Larry was also “a diehard Republican.”

Larry’s obituary reflects his many great qualities, and his family asks that you honor his life as you cast your vote for president in 2016.

In lieu of flowers, memorials may be sent to Shriners Hospital for Children at 2900 Rocky Point Drive, Tampa, FL 33607.

Also, the family respectfully asks that you do not vote for Hillary Clinton in 2016. R.I.P. Grandaddy.

Do it for Larry.

h/t Scott

[via WSOCTV]

Image via kisa kuyruk / Shutterstock.com

  2. SharkWeekTFM

    Wow. I’m speechless. I just made Fifth Year this weekend. I can’t tell you what it means to me because I can’t talk. But I will try to write it out.

    TLDR at the end.

    When I hit Exec I wrote a speech thanking God for creating me as the perfect harbinger of death, violence, pants shitting and great television. I think I thanked you guys a little but this time I really want to impress upon you how priceless you are to this journey. You can’t know what it’s like coming from where I did to getting to this place of cultural relevance and influence. You can see it from the outside but you can’t appreciate it until you’re actually in that situation. Now, I have been on this website since it first came out but I was never confident enough to come out of the shark cage about being who I truly am. I had another account and tried to pretend that I was really educated and experienced about whiskey, women and the college experience. It wasn’t until I actually went through a proper fraternity initiation (which is as logistically difficult as it sounds), that I think it really did have a better grasp on things. I realized that it didn’t matter that I didn’t fit the exact mold for what the right type of brother that belongs on TFM. I have been hunting, sure, but that was about the extent of it. I realized that I had something to bring to the table that no one else could.

    The frat world can truly benefit from learning about sharks. Neither sharks nor frats are the most inclusive bunch and that’s not a bad thing. Not everyone is cut out to be an actual shark nor is everyone cut out to be an integral part of creating what a fraternity is supposed to be. Both of those identities require a lot responsibility and the understanding of that responsibility. In the past there have been severe fuck ups for both parties but that doesn’t mean there aren’t guys out there doing it right. Obviously we have tons of fun and honestly that’s a big part of it too that shouldn’t be separate from the serious parts of it. Our bonds unite us in the seriousness and the not-so-seriousness of our positions.

    TLDR and conclusion: All that to say, thanks and look forward to the biggest load a shark has ever shot to fall upon this website starting July 5th.

    11 years ago at 10:45 am
    1. Generic

      Congratulations!

      “I realized that it didn’t matter that I wasn’t the right type of brother that fits and belongs on TFM.” -soooo, this means you are a Pike?

      11 years ago at 10:51 am
    2. FRATTYtaffy

      You know what bro? I’ll give you a break because it’s 4/20 but I just feel bad for you honestly. I feel bad for you because that “speech” or whatever was honestly one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever read and don’t know what that hell you’re talkin about half the time and dude like wtf honestly but whatever bro fuck do you big dog

      11 years ago at 2:47 pm
  5. Generic

    Forget the scandals. Satire will sink Hillary. Back in the 90s she wrote a long memo about her fear of the new internet and independent media. She predicted her own political career death.

    11 years ago at 10:47 am