Bad Commenter Of The Week: April 28

Jared Borislow9 years ago

Welcome to “Bad Commenter Of The Week,” a weekly series here on TFM wherein I will roast a TFM commenter whom I deem roastworthy for one reason or another — or maybe for no reason at all. Lucky for me, I get to handpick my target. Maybe you’ll agree with my selection, maybe you won’t, maybe it’ll be you. Only time will tell, and I have it on high authority that time’s lips are sealed. Looks like you’ll just have to keep tuning in if you want to see who each week’s massive idiot target is.

Unlike in our series Commenter Of The Week, I will not be interviewing the commenter I select because, quite frankly, they don’t deserve that courtesy. If you happen to be the target of my current or future ire, feel free to respond in the comment section, dumbass.

This week’s Bad Commenter, Hazerdous Material, committed a mortal sin as far as the Ridiculous Tinder Pickup Lines series is concerned: comment section content claiming.

If I, Jared (who will henceforth be referred to as “His Benevolence” in this column), have selected your Content as being worthy of inclusion in RTPL — regardless of whether or not His Benevolence is doing so to praise you or put you on blast — consider yourself Blessed by His Benevolence.

But much like how those beamed up to heaven before the rapture don’t brag about this positive result of their Godliness shortly thereafter, those selected for inclusion in Ridiculous Tinder Pickup Lines shall not brag about said inclusion in the comment section. Content claiming is the RTPL version of the deadly sin Pride, and if you commit it, you are cursed with eternal RTPL damnation by His Benevolence. If you want credit, His Benevolence will of course give you credit, but don’t brag about getting selected by His Benevolence in the comment section of His Benevolence’s column. This insults His Benevolence. Act like you’ve been there before, unlike Hazerdous Material did when I included this line of his:

Important note: What the caption His Benevolence placed on this refers to is the idea that usually when someone makes this joke, they make one or both of the things that don’t refer to their penis very obviously fake, meaning the penis one must be true. It’s a classic process of elimination gag technique based on one of the original viral Tinder pickup lines (Fuck, marry kill: me, Hitler, and me again). But Hazerdous Material didn’t get that, with his options leading to the girl to believe that his horsecock is probably the lie, as it’s the least likely choice just based on common sense.

But that’s not where the problem is. The problem was that Hazerdous Material humblebragged about his inclusion in the comment section. He posted a comment clearly designed for others to read it and know he made the RTPL cut this week. Shameless and appalling. Luckily, commenter CanadianB4C0N was there to own him.

That’s one of the best owns. Unbelievable own. Well-deserved, well-thought-out… S’unreal. In a world where owns are hard to come by, CanadianB4C0N has given His Benevolence hope. Thank you for that.

Your comment was bad and you got owned for it, Hazerdous Material. You’re a massive idiot and deserve all the shame that comes your way.

-His Benevolence.

Image via Shutterstock