Beerbongs And Ponies: Scenes From A Wet And Wild Preakness Stakes

ArrowZeppelin7 years ago

Horse racing may be the sport of kings, but the Preakness Stakes is a party for the people. 600 miles separates the majesty of Louisville’s pristine Churchill Downs from the mayhem of Baltimore’s dilapidating Pimlico Race Course, but they may as well be worlds away.

The party atmosphere at Preakness is nonpareil, especially in comparison to the other jewels of the Triple Crown, and the pouring rain and muddy conditions only added another layer of insanity to the party. Add in a $20 bottomless beer special and a concert in the middle of the track’s infield, and you have the recipe for a rager that not even the wildest of frat houses could ever duplicate.

It has officially begun. Please help me. #preakness . #wbal pic.twitter.com/HXJ7igjomm

— Lowell Melser (@MelserWBAL) May 19, 2018

A Couple Of Real Classy Chicks Did Some Mud Wrestling At The Preakness https://t.co/bkWlmwPMqA pic.twitter.com/yA5bh1oXmw *

— Front Page Buzz (@frontpagebuzz) May 21, 2018

As nice as it would have been to have sunshine and no rain on Saturday, the shitty, muddy conditions made the race even more special. I couldn’t image being robbed of the opportunity to witness a bunch of meatheads flop around in nasty-ass mud puddles, or chicks wrestling each other for the amusement of infield attendees who were certainly more interested in the mud wrestling spectacle than the horse races going on around them.

Its been a full 24 hours since this video was taken and I'm pretty sure this girl is still falling into the center of the earth, never to be seen again #Preakness143 pic.twitter.com/8puYFon4Jy

— Branden Ferro (@BrandenFerro) May 20, 2018

Believe it or not, the Preakness used to be even crazier a few years ago when they used to allow people to bring their own beer into the infield. Back when this lunacy was going on, running on top of the port-o-potties was a drunken staple, and onlookers would gleefully participate by throwing beer cans and other debris at the racers to try and knock them off.

The port-o-potties races still occur, but not nearly as often, thanks to the controls that have been put in place by race organizers who for some reason don’t want people engaging in this super dangerous activity. However, we are still blessed enough to have a few brave, intrepid souls climb atop the port-o-potties and run the race of their life, like the future wife material you see in the video up there.

simply smashing, @PostMalone #Preakness pic.twitter.com/OX03NZt6fa

— NBC Sports (@NBCSports) May 19, 2018

When Pimlico stopped doing the “Bring your own beer” thing at Preakness, they still wanted to add something to the event that would still help it maintain its wild reputation (within reason). So naturally, they added a concert.

Nothing goes more hand-in-hand with the bougie experience of horse racing than Post Malone singing about fuckin’ hoes and poppin’ pillies. 21 Savage, Odesza, and a couple other DJs also performed in addition to Post. And let me tell you, well-dressed white boys who have been drinking all day at a horse race turned UP for this lineup. A+ job by Pimlico for their concert booking.

pic.twitter.com/rn236mq819

— Heavy Metal Krist (@ArrowZeppelin) May 21, 2018

If you like to party, the Preakness Stakes has to be a bucket list item for you and your squad. It’s got everything you could possibly ask for in an event: unlimited beer, gambling, a concert, dressing up (if you so choose), and if you’re lucky, weather conditions that are conducive for making the event a total shit show.

Pimlico is a dump, but so is your college domicile, most likely, which gives it a charm you can’t get at a nicer facility (if any Preakness officials are reading this, I implore you not to move the race to the nicer Laurel Park like you’ve been considering). The Preakness takes everything from the best party you’ve ever been to and stretched it to it’s most logical extreme. It is the pinnacle of human idiocy, a testament to the depths we are willing to go to absolutely destroy our bodies and minds, and it is the greatest thing you could ever experience.

I ventured into the Preakness infield today for the first time in 16 years and took this pic in the first three minutes and it feels like a window into the human condition and now I'm the new Mathew Brady. pic.twitter.com/C0yxbk4pN4

— Bryan Armen Graham (@BryanAGraham) May 20, 2018

Oh, and Justify won. I guess one of the biggest horse races in the world suddenly broke out in the middle of this party..