Blowjobs in Miami Available for the Click of a Button

HacksawJimDuggan12 years ago

Every man at some point in time dreams of hooking up with a pornstar. Don’t lie about it, don’t pretend it doesn’t happen, because it does. Well good news perverts, if you’re in Miami on August 2nd you can make your wet dreams come true for the small price of following some porn stars on Twitter.

Starlets Angelina Castro and legendary MILF Sara Jay are giving free blowjobs to all of their Twitter followers. Why? The Miami Heat won the NBA Title, that’s why. If the Heat somehow go on to win those 7 titles promised by Lebron, these women better invest in a great pair of knee pads.

There are a few stipulations, though. From their own Twitter accounts, Castro and Jay have laid down the law:

“If any member of the Heat or the coaching staff shows up, they are next in line (as long as they are followers!)”

That’s right Spoelstra, even you have to be a follower.

“Whoever is a follower who shows up in either a ‘I Love Sara Jay’ or ‘Once You Go Hispanic Don’t Panic’ or Sara Jay’s Juicy ‘T.I.T.S’ t-shirt is next in line”

Seriously, who would own one of those t-shirts? Oh, right, the citizenry of Miami.

“Anyone who shows up in a #TeamBJNBA Tshirt is next in line”

Again, the type of person that buys this t-shirt is not someone I want to know, i.e. anyone from Miami.

“ANYONE GETTING A BJ MUST CONSENT TO THE EVENT BEING FILMED, STREAMED LIVE and/or SOLD ON A DVD or WEBSITE in the future – NO EXCEPTIONS – Release to be posted here soon”

Well, at least you can get videos to show your kids someday. “Look at me son! Gettin’ a blowie from a porn star! That’s right, your old man used to BE SOMEBODY!”

“You CAN wear a mask to cover your face to collect your BJ but ONLY if your identity is confirmed beforehand.”

Something tells me some really crazy masks are going to be here. Lucha Libre, superheros, the possibilities are endless. They officially have my viewership.

“YOU MUST HAVE A CONFIRMED TEST FROM TALENT TESTING (at your expense) completed and emailed with a copy of your ID no later than 48 hours before the follower blow off. Information on how to test posted soon.”

I don’t understand this one. Surely guys that are coming to the “follower blow-off” would be clean, honest, STD-free individuals.

“No admission to the event just to watch.”

I wonder how many people are legitimately upset over this.

I’m going to stay away from Miami the first week of August. Something in my gut tells me I could contract herpes just from being in the city.