Boaters Have Drunken Threesome, Crash Into Airport Runway Lights, Destroy Boat

Bogey Wells10 years ago

New York City’s airports are some of the most protected airports in the world. Don’t you dare try to take too much shampoo or a bottle of Gatorade through security unless you enjoy having an overweight high school dropout named Dan massage your scrotum with his incredibly soothing latex gloves. Personally, I love being strip-searched. It’s probably the closest thing to a random hookup as I’ll ever get, but I get the feeling that this may not be the norm.

Regardless of security inside the airport, security outside must be pretty fucking lax. Yesterday, a private vessel crashed into the approach lights of one of LaGuardia’s runways and literally sat there for 30 minutes until a New York Police Department boat paid them a visit. The aftermath of the crash isn’t the actual story here, though. The real story is why the boat crashed into the lights in the first place.

Craig Gallo, 51, and James Benenato, 60, must be two horny bastards. To start the night, they made a visit to a tavern in Queens, where they met a seemingly stunning 60-year-old woman named Mary Ann Belson. Afterward, Gallo invited the other two on a moonlight cruise down the East River. As the night progressed, the boozing became heavier and the party became a little more raucous.

At some point on their journey, they decided a three-way sex romp was the correct way to finish off the night. So, that’s exactly what they did. While Eiffel Towering a 60-year-old sounds like the greatest thing on Earth, the morons forgot that their fucking boat doesn’t have autopilot or idiot-proof safety precautions. It requires someone actively steering it at all times. As a result, these fools ran their boat straight into the approach lighting for one of LaGuardia’s runways.

From New York Post:

The joyride ended abruptly at the end of Runway 22, where the boat got impaled on a lighting stanchion.

Belson is being treated for a possible broken nose and jaw, and Gallo, who was later charged with operating a boat under the influence, suffered facial injuries. Benenato was not hurt.

Some of you might be wondering how in the world someone cannot avoid a fucking runway, so this may help you out. Those lights extend pretty far into the river.

If you’re seeking the moral of this story, I’ll give you one. Don’t fuck and boat. It’s dangerous, and it can kill. If you cannot control your urges while boating, buy one of these and keep one hand on the steering wheel at all times.

I hate people.

[via New York Post]