Breaking Down Michael Jordan’s Beer Pong Technique

OscarBluthTFM12 years ago

Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player to ever play the game (sorry, LeBron), is now spending his free time like any rich person should: drinking lots of alcohol and throwing wild expensive parties. Why not? Isn’t that what life is really about? Isn’t that the desired end game?

At a recent gathering of the elite, someone snapped the below photograph of Jordan playing beer pong with what looks like the unwanted offspring of the Michelin Man and the Pillsbury doughboy. He might be the greatest basketball player of all time, but his BP skills look like they need a little work.

Let’s break it down:

1. He is in clear violation of the notorious elbow rule. I know you’re big Michael, but have some integrity for the game. Step back. This isn’t the NBA. We have standards.

2. Crooked foot placement is a bad habit that can affect ping pong ball accuracy. Come on MJ. Fundamentals.

3. Unforgivably low amounts of beer in each cup. You aren’t a woman, Michael. Fill those suckers up. Also, where are the RSCs?

4. A Miami Dolphins beer pong table? Uh, I’ll pass. A Bulls or UNC table would suffice, but everything about Miami sucks.

5. An Air Jordan tee shirt, Air Jordan athletic shorts, and Air Jordan shoes. I get that you’re actually Jordan, but it still seems a bit excessive.

6. Partnering up with the overweight white guy in Air Jordan flip flops? I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and just assume you had the last pick.

Look, I know that you’re a legend or whatever, but beer pong is a man’s game. Step it up for next time. I do appreciate the effort. Nothing says GOAT like a fifty year old man drinking like a college kid.