Caution: Mobile Porn Sites Cannot Be Trusted

Fratthew_Broderick12 years ago

Looks like I’ll be giving up mobile porn. Not for Lent or anything, but forever.

It’s disappointing, really. I used to trust my phone completely whenever the mood struck. Siri was always able to text the slams for me when I was too drunk to physically text them myself, and whenever that option didn’t work, I could always turn to the internet. But apparently those days are gone now.

Blue Coat, a web security company, recently released a new study revealing that almost a quarter of all malware on mobile devices can be blamed on porn sites.

That’s right, nearly 25% of all of the malware fucking up iPhones, iPads, and other mobile devices across the world can be traced back to mobile porn.

Porn led to more malware on smartphones and tablets than e-mail spam, malicious websites, and fake apps combined.

While we’re all too smart to click on an email telling us that we just won some contest we never entered or one offering free dick enhancement, malware has found the one weak spot in our armor — our need to take care of ourselves at a moment’s notice.

Apparently our demand to watch porn on the go is greater than our grandparents’ inability to differentiate between real and fake apps, or to resist email spam. My grandfather, who is still trying to figure out how to use the iPod he got two Christmases ago, may be more responsible with his device than me. Nothing makes sense anymore.

What makes this statistic even more impressive is the fact that less than 1% of mobile web traffic is pornographic. This must mean that literally every mobile porn site has decided to forgo running an honest business and instead has chosen to middle-finger their customers.

This whole thing just pisses me off. I’ve grown up with the internet and I know that it can be both wonderful and dangerous. I’ve learned the valuable lessons of discretion and Chrome’s incognito mode. I just thought that maybe the mobile versions of sites I trust on my PC wouldn’t necessarily fuck me over, but I guess I was wrong. You can’t trust anyone.

Goddamn, between this and Maker’s lowering their alcohol content, what the fuck am I supposed to believe in anymore?

“No matter how tantalizing a link might look on a desktop, there are cues that you shouldn’t go there, such as an address that just doesn’t look safe,” said Hugh Thompson, chief security strategist for Blue Coat. “When you click a link on a mobile phone, it’s harder to know what form of Russian roulette they’re playing.”

So, even though Siri probably isn’t the best at dirty talk, she may be your safest option from now on. Aside from that, I’d recommend trying to stick to living, breathing females as much as possible. And isn’t that the point of college anyway?

[via CNN]