Colorado Police Are Determined To Further Ruin Finals Week, Cracking Down On Adderall and Vyvanse Deals

Bogey Wells11 years ago

It has probably happened to almost all of you this week. You popped an Adderall with the intention of studying your ass off for an exam you’re bound to fail. Your depressing expectations led you to Twitter where you saw Bacon discussing his love of giant wieners. You thought, “it’s about time he admits it” and clicked on the link. Or, maybe you saw ol’ Dorn tweeting about his superiority over you in everything that life entails and decided to come discover how you could pull yourself out of the depths of mediocrity. Either way, you found yourself here and most likely stayed for the duration of your dose. It happens to everyone.

Considering most of you degenerates likely obtain your “study aids” illegally, consider yourself luckier than these two poor bastards who were arrested by police at the University of Colorado on Thursday. Following what I imagine was a startling loss of income and an outlet for their general penis envy following the legalization of marijuana in Colorado, the police had to find another popular (and harmless) drug to exploit in an attempt to collect bullshit fines and make themselves feel in control. They seem to have zeroed in on the favorite pills of college students – the “study aids.”

Christopher Valentine and Graham Hankin were both arrested for selling Adderall to fellow students, and reportedly sold their product for $4 and $5, respectively.

For the one or two of you who may be wondering why they were arrested, University of Colorado Police Corporal Matthew DeLaria was kind enough to provide us with quite possibly the most “fuck it, we just want your money” bullshit excuse ever.

From The CW2:

While perhaps tempting, it is against the law to use or possess study aid drugs that are not prescribed to you. It is also illegal for those with legitimate prescriptions to provide their drugs to others.”

Good idea, Corporal. Send your swine to crackdown on productive college students actually attempting to do something with their lives.

Be careful out there, folks. The five-oh are cracking down on the hardcore criminals.

[via The CW2]