Colorado Woman Arrested For Using 7-Eleven Microwave To Heat Up Piss

ItalianStallion7 years ago

When I was a freshman, I was friends with this girl who smoked weed for the first time by taking one — literally ONE — bong rip. Right afterwards, she started freaking out because she had a drug test at the end of the semester, which was still like four weeks away. Our one stoner friend told her to drink cranberry juice as a masking method, so what’d she do? Every time I saw her from then until the drug test, she had a bottle of cranberry juice in hand. Every. Single. Time.

I thought that was a bit much until I found this gem wherein someone else was trying to cheat the system.

From Fox News:

A Denver woman was cited Thursday for allegedly causing damage to a 7-Eleven store’s microwave oven when she tried to heat a urine sample, authorities said.

A store clerk reported seeing the suspect, identified as Angelique Sanchez, 26, place something in the Aurora, Colo., store’s microwave before hearing a “loud bang” seconds later, Denver’s KUSA-TV reported, citing an Aurora Police Department report.

…

Police later found Sanchez about a half-mile away, at a health clinic where she was waiting to undergo a physical exam and urinalysis for a potential job, according to the report.

A story that sounds like it could only come out of the great state of Florida, but we surprisingly have Denver here. Look, Colorado — I know you’ve been a little wild since legalizing weed and all, but microwaving your own piss AT A 7-ELEVEN is its own level of insane. You really can’t make this shit up. In this story, we have 7-Eleven, a drug test, and microwaved urine: the trifecta of what-the-fuckery.

7-Eleven: good for Slurpees and drunk munchies, but not for microwaving your own piss. To the girl who got arrested, I’m not saying you didn’t have a good reason to cheat on your drug test; all I’m saying is you tried too hard by bringing a convenience store into this. Way too hard. Next time, ask literally any professional athlete for help. Cheating drug tests seems to be their specialty. Or, y’know, use a friend’s microwave..

[via Fox News]

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