Delta Denies USA Gold Medal Winning Curling Team First Class Upgrades

Doctor Franzia8 years ago

Delta Airlines apparently refused to grant upgrades to the gold medal-winning U.S. curling team on the flight home.

Air travel is the last true bastion of shameless elitism, and that’s why I always fly First Class. The sheer ball-tingling thrill of watching the unwashed masses filter past to coach while you’re already enjoying a dry sparkling brut in a real glass is priceless, and definitely worth the extra $200 on domestic flights. When you move up to international flights, the divide of distinction jumps from here to Mars. Flying Delta One you might as well be on a private jet (although it still looks like coach next to Emirates). When flying from the US to Asia, maybe only a couple dozen people on Earth actually have private planes that can make that journey on their own, necessitating even the rich and famous to fly commercial on those long-haul flights.

I don’t know if you’ve been following the Winter Olympics, but the US curling team just pulled off one of the greatest upsets in the history of their sport and won the first gold medal in curling for the United States ever — sticking it to Sweden hard. Like every other red-blooded American, I just hate Sweden, so this is an extra bonus.

Plus, can we talk about curling? Of all the sports in the Olympics, curling is the one that I most identify with. Like my fraternity, it’s just a bunch of over-hyped white guys with trash bods putting forward the absolute bare minimum of effort with maximum success and sheer dumb luck.

These men deserve to fly home like the champions they are, not in the 6 inches of legroom, squeezed between obese teenagers with nothing to watch except reruns of NBC’s Superstore ignominy of fucking coach. Delta, it’s time for you to do your patriotic duty and bust out the laurels for these conquerors.

It’s worth noting that the curling team isn’t the only group of gold medalists getting snubbed by the air industry. Canadian snowboarder Sebastien Toutant recently tweeted about getting shuffled to coach by Air Canada after his win. But he’s Canadian so that’s not really our problem.

Come on, Delta. Be better..

[via Twitter/@USACurl]

Image via Youtube