Diary of a Spring Pledge
13 years ago

Football, tailgates, and a fresh batch of freshman sorostitutes. Fall really is the best time of the year, unless you unfortunately decided to wait until the spring to pledge. There’s nothing like a fall semester full of regret, abstinence, and loneliness to motivate the scores of misguided freshman to admit their now obvious social inferiority and take the plunge to pledgeship in the spring.

The following are entries from Fall 2010:

September 4th

Dear Diary,
All of my friends from high school started pledging this week. I told them I didn’t need to pay for my friends. Besides there’s plenty of cool stuff to do at the student union in the evenings.

September 24th
Dear Diary,
Got invited to a party tonight. Heard it’s an apartment kegger. Should be pretty sweet….

September 25th
Dear Diary,
Party sucked. Lost my v-card to the hottest girl there. Too bad she had a cleft palate.

October 11th
Dear Diary,
That cute blonde in class talked to me today. She asked if I was pledging. I said no and she laughed and muttered something about me being a “GDI pussy.” By the way what’s a GDI?

October 28th
Dear Diary,
I am.

November 3rd
Dear Diary,
Just realized all my new friends are virgins. I’m starting to think I made a mistake..

November 15th
Dear Diary,
I saw my high school buddies game day mixer pictures on facebook. Look liked fun. Also none of the girls had a deformity.

December 1st
Dear Diary,
Played World of Warcraft with my 22-year-old dorm mate tonight. It’s a Friday. I hate my life. I really should’ve pledged.

December 13th
Dear Diary,
I FUCKING GET IT. MY LIFE SUCKS. I’m tired of being irrelevant. I want to meet some guys who don’t play japanese card games on the weekend and go to a party that doesn’t involve Mario Cart. But really all I wanna do is talk to a girl without a deformity.

    2. Senator_frat1925

      It really is, I’m from Texas and got a full ride to an arkansas school… It’s slim pickings over here man… Real slim…

      13 years ago at 2:24 am
  3. The Fratastic Voyage

    Spring pledges? We haven’t even initiated our fall ones yet. This column is weaker than the hippies occupying Berkley.

    13 years ago at 1:42 am
  6. Fratstar Runner

    Yup, the one thing they don’t teach you is that Sororstitutes don’t date GDIs for the most part, especially the good ones.

    Although honestly, if the kid isn’t cool enough before rushing that he has a shitty life, he probably will only get a bid at a bottom-tier.

    13 years ago at 10:12 am
    1. cannonball

      would you rather be in a bottom tier frat or hang out at the on campus coffee shop?

      As long as I had the option to pledge something besides Pike, I’d rush.

      13 years ago at 10:19 am
    2. Brobert F Kennedy

      How do you know you’re drunk if you don’t get in a fist fight over Mario Kart or Super Smash Bros or break the Wii by throwing it at a pledge then punching a hole in a wall when you realize you just broke the Wii by throwing it at a pledge?

      13 years ago at 2:46 pm
    4. peacelovelyre

      I’m glad someone spelt it Kart. I was bothered with the “Mario Cart” thing. But yeah seriously.. you play on a wii? N64/snes is much much better.

      13 years ago at 6:12 pm
  9. Colt M4

    I was a spring rush/ pledge because I couldnt do fall due to sports and I still had a hell of a good time in fall, it’s not like Greek life makes you have friends and be social, it just brings that out of people who already are and groups them together.

    13 years ago at 12:29 pm
  11. Steve Jobs

    There is many other ways i could have killed brain cells. This one wasn’t worth it

    13 years ago at 2:50 pm