Dick Predicts the Future
13 years ago

Allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Dick Perry. Master of gambling. Picker of winners. Decider of dollars. I’ve been brought in by TFM to pick college football winners and make every single week my bitch. I’m not a goddamn mathematician or some sort of formulaic nerd. I make my picks with sheer instinct and bulbous balls. I stare down at the list of matchups, take off my pants and have faith that each pick will be sent down from heaven and straight into my brain by God Almighty. For those of you that don’t like money or paying attention, I nailed four picks last week. South Carolina vs. Georgia was a wash (pushed, no action), so I went undefeated. If you watched last week’s video and then sat there with your thumb up your ass saying, “Who is this Dick and why should I listen to what he has to say?” Now you have your answer. I’m a mother fucking money printer. Here is a video of me predicting the future:

I know what you’re thinking. “Did he murder Allen’s wife? Has he left the strip club since Saturday?” The answers are no, and yes. But only because the aforementioned establishments don’t understand that when you make it rain like I do, you’re allowed to cop a feel once in a while.

The third installment of my genius will be revealed on Wednesday. Try not to piss your money away on books or dorm food before the next episode of “Dick’s Picks.” Until then follow me on twitter @Dicks_Picks.

Later mother fuckers.

  3. Paul Hazinger

    Well done Dick. I still root for you to fail and literally shit the bed, but nicely done.

    13 years ago at 8:25 pm
    2. Bronan the Barbarian

      So much coke in the White House that people touring the place would think they were in Vermont.

      13 years ago at 9:01 pm
    1. topsailt1

      What if you did though? He took the safest bets of the week… Man I can practically hear his balls clanging all the way from over here.

      13 years ago at 11:34 pm
  7. BROnonia_Docet

    I lost a ton of money betting against everything you said this week, because i generally thought you didn’t know what the fuck you were talking about after week 1.

    13 years ago at 12:51 am
    1. bro tide

      ^ this. named a pile pledge last night. hope he doesn’t put a round in my chest.

      13 years ago at 6:39 pm
  9. BROwnOutOfProportion

    Why is the link to this article Dick Perry with a cumshot on his face?

    13 years ago at 7:48 am
    1. TheBroZoneLayer

      It’s supposed to be cocaine, because Dick Perry loves his coke. Looks like they rubbed chalk or moisturizer on his face though.

      13 years ago at 10:32 am
  10. The Frat Czar

    Forgive me for being just a tad cautious (or don’t, I don’t give a fuck), but I’m gonna wait a bit longer before putting real money on anything he says.

    13 years ago at 10:25 am