Drunk Mizzou Student Throws Himself Into Church Sign, Cops Now Using Video To Hunt Down Perp

El Taco7 years ago

The Columbia Missouri Police Department is on the lookout for a student who purportedly caused hundreds of dollars of damage to the Campus Lutheran Church near Greektown. The student, which I’m going to strongly, strongly, strongly assume is Greek, is clearly intoxicated in the video that was first posted to Snapchat. From there, the local police department got their hands on it and posted it on social media for the world to see.

Need I remind everyone that snitches get stitches? I ain’t gonna rat and neither will anyone else! Ducks fly together!

I’m assuming someone will rat though and, when it happens, this guy will have to fork over some cash. Should’ve just gone to Stankowski Field and played soccer with all the foreign exchange students. Or he could’ve gone the basic Friday night route and started a fight with the Delt Sigs or the Delts instead. So many more options than this $400 mistake.

I’m pulling for you, though. We’re gonna need to get you a fake mustache, new name and sneak you out of the country for a bit though. It’ll die down after finals I’m sure..

Image via Facebook