Eating Vag Causes Cancer, According To Science

Alex Buscemi9 years ago

I’m the type of guy who always goes down. Not only do I love doing it, but there’s absolutely no way my 4-inch dude piston is going to do any sort of damage on its lonesome. Does this make me a people pleaser? Possibly. But if I want a shot in hell at a girl accompanying me to “check out this song I heard,” in my bedroom a second time, I’ve got to snarfle the fuck out of her ham wallet (to put it delicately).

Unfortunately, my cunnilingus habit could cut me down just as swiftly — and in the same manner — as my smoking habit.

Eating vaj causes throat cancer, according to a recent study.

From Mirror:

New research has found that practising oral sex can dramatically increase the risk of developing throat cancer by as much as 22 times.

A study found that people carrying the virus HPV (human papillomavirus)-16 were twenty two times more likely to suffer from a potentially lethal tumour.

It is thought that performing oral sex is the most likely way the HPV virus – usually associated with cervical cancer – is spread to the mouth

Damn. So all that time women told me how much riskier sex was for them, all that time they told me HPV causes cancer in women while having zero effect on men, was complete bullshit.

It’s unfair I tell ya. Going down on a girl is a good deed. If karma was real, eating pussy wouldn’t cause cancer. It would cause the opposite of cancer. What is the opposite of cancer? I don’t know… blowjobs? Well, I guess it leads to that, too.

Remember back in 2010 when Michael Douglas said his stage 4 throat cancer was caused by his frequent visits to the all you can eat fur burger buffet? Yeah, me neither. But he did, apparently. And people mocked him for it. Look who’s laughing now. Douglas is, in his raspy, tumored, pussy-laced throat laugh.

In spite of these terrible findings, I refuse to take minge off the menu. Because really, what the fuck doesn’t cause cancer these days?.

[via Mirror]

Image via Shutterstock