Ernest Hemingway’s Hamburger Recipe Is The Manliest Way To Consume Dead Cows

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Ernest Hemingway was a certified badass. When he wasn’t miraculously surviving brushes with death on the battlefield, hunting big game in Africa, or hitting rival authors in the face with one of his timeless American novels, Hemingway liked to fire up the grill (or whatever they cooked shit with back then) and roast some burgs. But homie didn’t craft just any old hamburger. Like everything he did, he did it in the manliest, most American, most over-the-top way possible.

Peep his recipe for his version of the ideal hamburger and you’ll know what I’m talking about. Notice how many fucking capers and onions and shreds of garlic are in there. Dude’s got an affinity for all things spicy. This ain’t no bitch burger. If you can’t take Hemingway’s heat, get out of the kitchen.

Ingredients–
1 lb. ground lean beef
2 cloves, minced garlic
2 little green onions, finely chopped
1 heaping teaspoon, India relish
2 tablespoons, capers
1 heaping teaspoon, Spice Islands sage
Spice Islands Beau Monde Seasoning — 1/2 teaspoon
Spice Islands Mei Yen Powder — 1/2 teaspoon
1 egg, beaten in a cup with a fork
About 1/3 cup dry red or white wine
1 tablespoon cooking oil

What to do–
Break up the meat with a fork and scatter the garlic, onion and dry seasonings over it, then mix them into the meat with a fork or your fingers. Let the bowl of meat sit out of the icebox for ten or fifteen minutes while you set the table and make the salad. Add the relish, capers, everything else including wine and let the meat sit, quietly marinating, for another ten minutes if possible. Now make your fat, juicy patties with your hands. The patties should be an inch thick, and soft in texture but not runny. Have the oil in your frying pan hot but not smoking when you drop in the patties and then turn the heat down and fry the burgers about four minutes. Take the pan off the burner and turn the heat high again. Flip the burgers over, put the pan back on the hot fire, then after one minute, turn the heat down again and cook another three minutes. Both sides of the burgers should be crispy brown and the middle pink and juicy.

Dear God that description at the end is mouth-watering. You could’ve just housed an entire Chinese Buffet, a pint of Blue Bell, and topped it off with a post-meal cigarette, and you’d still be ready to whip up a batch of Hemingway ham.

[via Dangerous Minds]

Image via YouTube

      1. BrianTR

        Your wife is a former Miami Dolphins cheerleader. In other words, she knows how to generate enthusiasm for someone who’s not going to win.

        10 years ago at 5:18 pm
      2. Marco Rubio 2016

        1. My wife is fucking beautiful, literally a solid dime, look her up.
        2. You will more than likely marry an oger or a man
        3. Have fun with Hillary

        10 years ago at 5:22 pm
      3. BrianTR

        Same, I guess we can both agree on is that we can’t have that crazy feminist Hilary as the next president of the free land and we need to fire Steve Holt asap.

        10 years ago at 5:59 pm
  1. JackDanielsrunning

    Didn’t read this but if it’s anything like his cocktail recipes it will most likely end in a drunken brawl with a dirty Frenchman.

    10 years ago at 6:09 pm
    1. Nigel Fratters

      It’s a common misconception that Hemingway said this quote, but it’s actually false. It was said by Peter De Vries. See ya, guys.

      10 years ago at 8:17 pm
    2. FrayettevilleLegend

      It would have been fitting, too considering he didn’t even read the recipe. It clearly says he cooked it in an iron skillet. Let’s be honest, Blue Bell paid for views and they have to squeeze em in somehow. Even if they have to make a decent writer post shit like this.

      10 years ago at 9:17 pm
  2. DrunkWithFunk21

    With the amount of emphasis you put on wondering how he cooked it, it makes me wonder if you even read the recipe? Literally says cook it in a frying pan.

    10 years ago at 7:18 pm