Everything You Missed While Drinking Your Ass Off At Tailgate: A Week 3 College Football Recap

Dan Regester9 years ago

You just put in a 14-hour day crushing countless Game Day Lights on an empty stomach, asserted dominance over any fool that went even remotely close to the ladderball setup, and shamelessly finger blasted your pledge brother’s 18-year-old sister under the sign-in table. Needless to say, you had your hands full, so you undoubtedly missed what went down throughout the rest of the country. But no worries, guys. That’s what I’m here for: To spend Saturdays watching college football. Your thanks is not necessary, as I’m not in this line of work for the praise. I make this sacrifice of planting my ass firmly on the couch so people like you don’t have to — so you can go out and live the tailgate life the way tailgate life was meant to be lived. At the very least, hopefully this makes that crippling hangover today more bearable.

UConn’s National Championship aspirations take a serious hit.

Biggest upset of the day. Bob Diaco’s undefeated and destined for greatness Huskies slip up to the lowly 22nd ranked Missouri Tigers. Rob Fox has to be screaming from the mountain tops after such a historic win. This all but eliminates UConn from playoff consideration, but you never know. Playing in a power conference like the AAC might just be enough to warrant that 4th spot if they win out.

Baker Mayfield and the Oklahoma Sooners keep rolling.

Cardale Jones gets benched.

Never change, Cardale.

College players made beautiful college football plays.

The overly impressive, rarely seen, two-yard punt. Absolutely majestic.

Maybe one of the better plays Jeremy Johnson made all day: Recovering the fumble.

You can’t be called for targeting if you, yourself, have no idea who you’re launching into. That’s the type of next level thinking you’d expect out of Kansas State.

Someone is getting torn apart during film study.

Chad Kelly. Swag.

Tackling has long been forgotten.

Injuries are just part of the game

Kingsbury dick slaps Bret Bielema across the face both on and off the field.

Life becomes meaningless.

Gun to my head, I couldn’t tell you a single thing about Furman: Where it’s located, how many students go there, or what the fuck a Paladin is. All I know is that UCF paid these sons-of-bitches $375,000 to come into Bright House Networks Stadium and further beat down an already broken, empty soul. This must be how Camus felt before writing “The Stranger.”

That Texas kicker who hit an 80 yard field goal in practice, misses a game tying extra point.

Practice:

Game:

Ole Miss takes Bama to the woodshed. Bama comes storming back. Rebels hold on and a glimmer of hope in life is restored.

Maybe, just maybe, existence isn’t devoid of all meaning..