Fuck Bitcoin, Invest In My NFL Picks Instead
7 years ago

What’s going on, Mooks? I went 3-2 last week so hopefully you won some cash. Now, don’t take that cash and buy Bitcoin because fuck Bitcoin. That shit is a bigger bubble than your hometown that you can’t detach yourself from because a bunch of Chads and Brads never left and work every shitty job there imaginable. Avoid Bitcoin, and invest in me. Or don’t, and rot. Either way, let’s get into some Lox spreads.

Chargers vs. Chiefs – Chiefs +1

The AFC West is locked up like XXX Tentacion, as the Chiefs and Chargers are each sitting at 7-6. I believe in Phillip Rivers like I believe that ghosts were responsible for Jeremy Kerley’s failed drug test. Utter bullshit. This game will be played on Saturday Night in Arrowhead, so down some brews and watch the majestic Andy Reid coach the Chiefs to victory.

Titans vs. 49ers – Under 45

The thought of the over hitting is this game is more outrageous than that lard who tried trading Chicken Alfredo and Sprite for sex. Fucking perv. Anyway, this game will be a battle between two young QBs who are still figuring their shit out like LIL B THE BASEDGOD.

He still has to get a GED, but whatever college he goes to is automatically winning the College Football National Title. Back to the game, I’m feeling about 30 points scored in this one. Ride the under.

Bears vs. Lions – Lions -5

I love NFL action on Saturdays more than 45 year old nerds that still live in their parents’ basement love the new Star Wars movie. Hey, I’m not judging, but it’s just not my thing. Matt Stafford to cover this spread at home is a fookin’ lock. Yeah, the Bears looked good last week but they played a struggling Bengals team. Trubisky doesn’t have it this week, so ride the Lions.

Ravens vs. Browns – Browns +7

Riding the Browns is as questionable as the recent net neutrality rulings, but sometimes you have to mix it up. Fuck the Browns and anti-net neutrality, but the Ravens are playing their 2nd consecutive AFC North rode game, and the Browns are due like I’m due to watch Elf a dozen times with my family before Christmas. Send some money on the Browns to cover.

Eagles vs. Giants – Eagles -7

Carson Wentz is gone and I’m in a state of depression, but the Eagles are in good hands with Nick Foles. The entire population of Philadelphia has been trying to figure out how to donate their ACLs to Wentz, but apparently it’s physically impossible. Fuck. The Eagles defense is still elite, and even with Foles, the Birds will be running circles around the Giants. Eagles win by at least a touchdown.

Bitcoin is fucking stupid. You can’t see it, and it’s more volatile than Donald Trump. What you can see is football, and winning money gambling on football is a magical thing, so invest in that. As always, hit me up on Twitter @ConesDeal to discuss and keep up with my bets. Let’s win some money, Mooks.

  4. Butanefratoil

    I’m about to drop some play money into Bitcoin. About 20k, anyone have any suggestions?

    7 years ago at 11:15 pm
    1. jizzrag69v2

      $20k is all you have to invest? Lol a year ago I invested $1000000 (about 0.001% of my personal portfolio) in Bitcoin. I’ll let you losers do the math on how much it’s worth now

      7 years ago at 1:41 pm
      2. jizzrag69v2

        Took the bait just like I knew you would. Give us another McLoser the audience is waiting. And btw the wi-if in your head sucks. Could you install a booster?

        7 years ago at 10:05 am
      6. Butanefratoil

        TL;DR- kid is a dorm dwelling billionaire virgin

        Over 100bil? Seriously I’m so fucking sick of your shit. Let’s just give you the benefit of the doubt here. Youre richer than all of us and have that type of expendable cash. With that type of money you have the world at your fingertips and honestly will do anything and everything you want because that’s just how the world works, it’s bought. You could literally walk into the most exclusive hotel in the world and do whatever fucking jackassery bullshit you want. But you instead decide to shit post on TFM? You could bring lingerie models around the world and jizz all over their faces non stop but you have time to shit post on here? You’re fucking kidding me. I know people whose family is well off enough that they and a few friends whom the one person pays for it all, who follow bands and artists all over the country year round. They aren’t even close to the 100mil range because you don’t need to be. Anything 50-60+ mil gets you the exclusive life, your kids can do whatever with their friends and live their dreams while they’re young. Yet you claim 100 fucking billion dollars? Is there even family’s with that type of money? You’re so full of shit, fuck you, fuck your poor ass family that probably had to take out a second mortgage to pay for your autism bills and likely have paid lawyer fees to keep sexual harassment charges off your record. Seriously fuck you and your dozens of accounts. I said before fighting you wouldn’t do justice. You’ll probably end up like that troll who threatened to shoot a school and get fucked hard in the ass by some 12inch cockaloid murderer in prison. This is the reaction you want because you’re simply a troll, shit posting from his dormroom playing world of Warcraft. Maybe one day you’ll bullshit your way into a decent IT job in your late 20’s and end up dating some loser ass girl who got left in the dust because all the quality girls get cuffed early around 22-24, because winners find each other, as if you’d understand winning and being successful, but, good for you then because you’ll finally experience pussy, it’s something no one should die without experiencing. Back to the point, if you’re really some billionaire you could go around shitting on everyone in real life. You could shit on someone’s wife at a bar and get away with it, but yet you decide to come to TFM and just talk shit in every post. You could show everyone up anywhere you go in real life and talk to real millionaires like their plebs. But you come here? See the loophole in your story? Whatever cheif. Enjoy your Warcraft on a 1050TI because the that’s the best you can afford on your subway employee budget. Drunk rant over
        PS. The most you’ve ever made in this world is the collection of semen on your my little pony doll fuckface

        7 years ago at 1:17 am
      7. Butanefratoil

        One more thing. I had a friend blow his brains out of his skull on my birthday due to a Xanax addiction and I would still encourage you to kill yourself, yeah traumatic as shit I’m still going through therapy over it. That’s how much your existence plagues this world

        7 years ago at 1:22 am
      8. Butanefratoil

        And to clarify, the toxicity report showed so much fucking Xanax in his system he would have died from an overdose not to much later. It was the Xanax fueled blackout that caused him to go bezerk. Just a reminder look out for your friends. Sometimes they just don’t know any better. He was 17. Rip buddy

        7 years ago at 1:26 am
      10. BuschLattesFTW

        You’re an idiot because jizzrag is Fratty Mcfrat trolling thevaginator if you haven’t figured it out yet.

        7 years ago at 10:00 am
      11. BuschLattesFTW

        Also, he is so far inside your head that you actually think about his antics while drunk. He is spreading to your neck pal

        7 years ago at 10:03 am