FAIL FRIDAY: Asinine Attempts

TFM Intern14 years ago

Fifteen real submissions, five photos and one video, that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

The pledge of allegiance gets me hard. TFM.
-Connecticut

Are you saying the oath of loyalty to our national flag arouses you, or one of your pledges that is the designated “pledge of allegiance” actually gives you a stiffy? Either way…seems like a problem.

Were so Bro, we eat Fruit loops with natty, and and BBQ Sausage battered Beer. TFM.
-Missouri

Incredible. This one post ruined my fucking week.

Best pick up line ever: “I used to date a midget. I was nuts over her.” Works every time. TFM.
-Indiana

Bad joke. Also, they prefer to be called “little people,” you son-of-a-bitch.

When you were little, you parents probably said, “You need to go tee tee?” TFM.
-Louisiana

Actually my parents used to say, “Do you need to tinkle?” So yeah, you feel pretty fucking stupid now don’t you?

Just delivered a keg to a Chuck-E-Cheese. TFM.
-Connecticut

This made me want to rage on stage with those animatronic animals at a Chuck-E-Cheese.

Sitting in the waiting room at University Health after testing positive for AIDS. First test passed all year. TFM.
-Iowa

Too far? Yes.

The guys from American Pie not being able to get laid.NF Stifler and the Shermanator. TFM.
-Mississippi

American Pie is incredibly weak. Ultimate GDI movie.

I’m not suicidal but I do take a lot of shots to the face. TFM.
-North Carolina

You should’ve had a buddy proofread this before you submitted it. He would’ve told you it sounds like you’re taking lots of cum shots to the face.

Your slampiece making you watch Twilight. NF. Making your slampiece watch Buffy before a slam session because she’s sexy as hell. TFM.
-Virginia

Buffy the Vampire Slayer. TSM.

I jerk off before sex. JUST so i can really slam my slam piece! TFM.
-Louisiana

Gotta clean the pipes, bro.

From some girl during recruitment to pledge sis to “first mate” to study buddy to best friend to roommate to soulmate. Love you, sis! TSM.
-California

That’s good. Now just rub her back a little. Give her a little kiss. That’s nice. Yeah.

Paid for my spring break by winning a $500 booty-shaking contest in Key West! TSM.
-Florida

Slut.

Spending more money on laxatives than I do on food. TSM.
-Alabama

What the fuck is wrong with you? Gross.

Falling out of a Frat house window. TSM.
-Arkansas

Don’t lie. He pushed you because you wouldn’t leave.

The making of a group of best friends is like baking a cake. Once the ingredients are carefully chosen, mixed together, and put in the oven, they’ll be inseparable. TSM.
-Michigan

Thank you Michigan. That’s touching.

TFTC!

We may have just arrived on campus, but thanks to me, everyone already knows we’re TFTC. TFM.

Ivy never felt so good

Nothing says Carolina Cup like a trip to the ER for dehydration after 8 hours of day drinking in the sun. TSM.

About to go to work. TFM.

This is awful: