FAIL FRIDAY: Asinine Attempts
14 years ago

Fifteen real submissions, five photos and one video, that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

The pledge of allegiance gets me hard. TFM.
-Connecticut

Are you saying the oath of loyalty to our national flag arouses you, or one of your pledges that is the designated “pledge of allegiance” actually gives you a stiffy? Either way…seems like a problem.

Were so Bro, we eat Fruit loops with natty, and and BBQ Sausage battered Beer. TFM.
-Missouri

Incredible. This one post ruined my fucking week.

Best pick up line ever: “I used to date a midget. I was nuts over her.” Works every time. TFM.
-Indiana

Bad joke. Also, they prefer to be called “little people,” you son-of-a-bitch.

When you were little, you parents probably said, “You need to go tee tee?” TFM.
-Louisiana

Actually my parents used to say, “Do you need to tinkle?” So yeah, you feel pretty fucking stupid now don’t you?

Just delivered a keg to a Chuck-E-Cheese. TFM.
-Connecticut

This made me want to rage on stage with those animatronic animals at a Chuck-E-Cheese.

Sitting in the waiting room at University Health after testing positive for AIDS. First test passed all year. TFM.
-Iowa

Too far? Yes.

The guys from American Pie not being able to get laid.NF Stifler and the Shermanator. TFM.
-Mississippi

American Pie is incredibly weak. Ultimate GDI movie.

I’m not suicidal but I do take a lot of shots to the face. TFM.
-North Carolina

You should’ve had a buddy proofread this before you submitted it. He would’ve told you it sounds like you’re taking lots of cum shots to the face.

Your slampiece making you watch Twilight. NF. Making your slampiece watch Buffy before a slam session because she’s sexy as hell. TFM.
-Virginia

Buffy the Vampire Slayer. TSM.

I jerk off before sex. JUST so i can really slam my slam piece! TFM.
-Louisiana

Gotta clean the pipes, bro.

From some girl during recruitment to pledge sis to “first mate” to study buddy to best friend to roommate to soulmate. Love you, sis! TSM.
-California

That’s good. Now just rub her back a little. Give her a little kiss. That’s nice. Yeah.

Paid for my spring break by winning a $500 booty-shaking contest in Key West! TSM.
-Florida

Slut.

Spending more money on laxatives than I do on food. TSM.
-Alabama

What the fuck is wrong with you? Gross.

Falling out of a Frat house window. TSM.
-Arkansas

Don’t lie. He pushed you because you wouldn’t leave.

The making of a group of best friends is like baking a cake. Once the ingredients are carefully chosen, mixed together, and put in the oven, they’ll be inseparable. TSM.
-Michigan

Thank you Michigan. That’s touching.


TFTC!


We may have just arrived on campus, but thanks to me, everyone already knows we’re TFTC. TFM.


Ivy never felt so good


Nothing says Carolina Cup like a trip to the ER for dehydration after 8 hours of day drinking in the sun. TSM.


About to go to work. TFM.

This is awful:

    2. Califratia

      Trust me, the rest of the student body hates the Quidditch team’s existence. They do not represent us.

      14 years ago at 8:36 pm
    3. socalprep

      Seriously, they do not at all represent UCLA. I still honestly can’t believe that we do actually have a Quidditch team.

      14 years ago at 9:21 pm
    4. iRage

      UCLA students. Shut the fuck up. You go to a good school, leave it at that. Your geed infested fraternities and sororities are the poorest excuse for a Greek system I have ever seen. What constitutes being “fratty” are tank tops, shorts never above the knee, flip flops, and earring are considered a style decision rather than an admission of homosexuality. Beyond that, going to the gym 5 times a week is a requirement so you can fill out your tanks and impress “the bitches.” Girls, on the other hand, wear the most classless skimpy clothing they can to show that they’re sluttier than their sister standing next to them in a skin tight metallic dress. Fuck you UCLA. Don’t come back. The quidditch players are frattier than your top-tier “fratstars.”
      PS don’t call it “west coast style.” it’s fucking disgraceful to Greek letter organizations everywhere.

      14 years ago at 11:33 am
  6. Keep it Fratty

    “when you go to a party and tell people you play quiddich, you get all the girls right off the bat.”

    14 years ago at 6:58 pm
  7. Bropenhagen

    Anyone else notice that wheelchair picture being linked to a bumper sticker picture this morning?

    14 years ago at 7:19 pm
    5. FraterdayRage

      ya the south will keep Football and the masters. Don’t start a anti south rant northerners, I moved to south 13 years ago and it has all the jobs and girls and none of the annoying snow.

      14 years ago at 10:13 am
    7. PDT MSB

      Hockey? Really? I agree with FraterdayRage, except I’ll throw in baseball to the mix. Ya’ll can keep basketball, hockey, and lacrosse I’ll take my sports where beer and costa’s are just part of gameday attire.

      14 years ago at 2:13 am
  9. Patriotic

    The only reason im commenting on this post is so it has one more comment opposed to “nice move.”

    14 years ago at 7:39 pm
  10. FrattyLightSC

    As funny as the Chilis thing has been, this one was obviously either submitted as a joke or made up by the ole TFM Intern. Starting to lose it’s luster.

    14 years ago at 8:02 pm
    4. KimBro Slice

      I was upset when I heard he got fired, but he got his FaF job back so all is well.

      14 years ago at 12:29 pm
  11. Rebel yell

    I am not an asshole, so as long as these guys are having fun, why should I criticize them? We don’t always have to be assholes just to be assholes.

    14 years ago at 9:22 pm
    2. FrattyLightSC

      *they’re. You really brought that on yourself, but mainly I’m just an asshole.

      14 years ago at 9:40 pm
    3. Brotis A Hazebrook

      I would hope even GDIs would make fun of these Quidditch playing losers.

      14 years ago at 3:49 pm