Fail Friday: Language Barriers
13 years ago

Ten real submissions, four photos, and one video that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

When I lost by 1 point in overtime in my first game of Madden ’12, I caused thousands of dollars of property damage and wounded a prospective student. TFM.
-Kansas

It’s just a game. Take the intensity down a notch or two.

No’shave’meber. NF. No’shave’meber, Decembeard, and Januhairy. TFM.
-Kentucky

Buy a razor you hipster clown. I bet you work at Game Stop.

She called me her slam piece, so I gorilla glued her vagina shut. TFM.
-Tennessee

Said the serial killer to the FBI agent.

That geed Percy from the Green Mile stomping on the frat mouse and ending Mr. Jingles’s life. NF. The huge black guy John Coffey using his fratastic powers to revive the mouse which cause it to live for over 65 years. TFM.
-Iowa

If there is one word to describe John Coffey’s powers it is “fratastic.”

Left chapter early to go to the gym. Douche move? No I think not. TFM.
-California

I think so.

Playing golf makes me wish I were gay. My grip would give amazing handjobs. TFM.
-Texas

…

Being on your third beer before you get out of bed in the morning. TFM.
-Alabama

Drinking in bed is like eating in bed. It’s just pathetic.

Random GDI passed out on our couch with his shoes on. Instead of drawing on him, we all took turns jizzing on his face. TFM.
-Virginia

The consequences for falling asleep with your shoes on keep getting worse and worse.

Setting your pet bird on fire so your neighbors think you have a phoenix. TFM.
-Arkansas

PETA might frown upon your actions.

Cybering with the J Crew online shopping assistant. TFM.
-Wisconsin

Did you make her your e-slam?


Tri Delta PWNAGE.


An extreme case of shaming.


No words that can justify this.


The Sperry rant geed taking his sister to prom. AFM. (Arkansas Frat Move)

Apparently part of USC’s campus isn’t into Trojan football:

    1. IHSFrat1855

      How come every time da Chineese build warr damn mongorians come and knock it down?

      13 years ago at 11:45 am
  10. Crease Cruiser

    Gorilla Glue had me cracking up. The face jizz had me unable to breath. By the time I got to the phoenix I was laughing so hard I fucking sharted.

    13 years ago at 11:41 am
  11. Keystone Heavy

    I’m not going to talk about drinking. I’m not going to talk about slam pieces. I want to talk about this article right here. I don’t read TFM, but this was brought to me by a brother, about our pledge.
    I want to talk about that first picture. Three fourths of the things being said about that kid on this website are inaccurate. Its fiction. And this website embarrasses me to be involved with Greek life. Tremendously. And this website must be run by someone who has never had pledges. And who has never had a pledge, who has had their HEART BROKEN and come back to the frat castle upset. And has had to deal with that pledge when he is upset. And kick a pledge when he’s down!
    Here is all that kid did. He goes to class. He is respectful to the active chapter. He is respectful to WOMEN! And he’s a good kid, and he’s not a frat daddy yet, and he doesn’t deserved to be kicked when he’s down! If you rush a pledge one day, you’ll understand how it feels. But obviously, you don’t have pledges. If your pledge walks around campus, and someone makes fun of him for wearing cargo shorts, OR SAYS HE’S A GEED, and he comes home crying to the actives, you’d understand. But you haven’t had that. But someday you will. And when your pledge comes back to the frat castle, you’ll understand. If you want to go after a pledge, ONE OF MY PLEDGES, then you go after one that doesn’t do the right things! You don’t downgrade him because he does everything right, and might not dress as well on Saturday. And you let my chapter decide if he is cut out for Greek Life.
    That’s why I don’t read TFM. BECAUSE IT’S GARBAGE! And the moderator who put that picture on Fail Friday is GARBAGE! Attacking a pledge for doing everything right! And then you want to write TFMs about pledges that fuck up, and bash the ones that do everything right! Are you kidding me? Where are we at in society? COME AFTER ME! I’M AN ACTIVE! I’M 22! I’M NOT A PLEDGE! Write something about me, or one of our active members! Don’t write something about some 18 year old pledge that does everything right! That’s heart is broken. And then say that the actives say that he’s scared of hazing. THAT AIN’T TRUE!!! Or say that the only reason we gave him a bid in the first place was because he was looking at another fraternity, and we wanted to steal him. THAT’S NOT TRUE! So get your facts straight. And I hope someday that you have a pledge, and someone downgrades him or belittles him, and you have to look him in the eye and say “You know what? It’s okay. They’re supposed to be fratty gentlemen, but they aren’t.” Who’s the geed here? Who is the geed here? Are you kidding me? That’s all I got to say. Makes me want to puke.

    13 years ago at 11:41 am
    5. Crease Cruiser

      You are probably gonna get verbally hazed for this, but I sure as fuck respect the hell out of you sticking up for the kid.

      13 years ago at 11:49 am
    6. Stay Hammered

      I can’t figure whether this guy is kidding or being dead serious, either way it’s hilarious.

      13 years ago at 11:52 am
    7. Mr_P

      Sticking up for brothers and potentials, TFM.

      On another note…

      Maybe it’s just me, but who is he talking about?

      13 years ago at 11:53 am
    8. ThomasTempleWright

      I acknowledge and respect that you are standing up for your brother. The only thing is your brother attacked our whole Greek community and embarrassed all of us. We all know we already get enough attention from the media on the bad things that happen in the Greek system, but for him to create a video attacking two of the brands that we all love was a mockery. I do not know the kid on a personal level but how do you expect people to react? That would be like me trying to sue my school for making my classes to hard and making a video about it. I could never live that down. If you’re truly his brother, you should teach him how not to embarrass himself.

      13 years ago at 11:54 am
    19. Teddy_BROosevelt

      hahaha do people really not get the reference? i figured the “I’M AN ACTIVE! I’M 22!” would be a dead giveaway

      13 years ago at 12:03 pm
    20. Always a Fratstar

      Is this rant about Sperry Kid i’m confused? This website “tremendously” embarrasses you? I’m embarrassed you wrote this rant.

      13 years ago at 12:03 pm
    22. Airlinepilot

      I understand the concern here, but how ’bout you sit the next few out, sir. When you get a chance, please post another cool story.

      13 years ago at 12:05 pm
    29. Mr_P

      *Facepalm* I see what I missed. I’ll take that lap, someone have a sandwich and glass of makers waiting for me.

      13 years ago at 12:31 pm
    30. Keynes is a GDI

      Nevermind. I didn’t read the whole thing and now I realize this is in reference to the Mike Gundy presser, which makes it funny as shit. Startin’ my lap.

      13 years ago at 12:32 pm
    32. Codename Duchess

      Wow, did only a handful of you get that? It’s a Mike Gundy reference. A pretty obvious one too.

      13 years ago at 12:41 pm
    33. Fratpublican_Reagan

      Did this shit just actually happen guys? I can not believe this yall. By the look of things, out hazing will one day induce a “heart broken”
      GDI/pledge/piece of shit , to commit suicide. Well done. Oh and Keystone Heavy, fuck you and that little shit.

      13 years ago at 12:56 pm
    34. Charleston FratEN

      “And who has never had a pledge, who has had their HEART BROKEN and come back to the frat castle upset.”

      It just sounds way too familiar… It’s based off some other rant, wasn’t it a sorostitute complaining about one of her pledges being made fun of?

      13 years ago at 1:07 pm
    35. ksig565

      Wow… this completely flew over the heads fo the majority of those who read this, myself included. Well done on the satire. Let us all be awarded no points, and may God have mercy on our souls. Get the running shoes on gentlemen, time to go run our laps.

      13 years ago at 1:11 pm
    42. floundersnu

      The only times a man should cry is when your dog, one of your family members, your wife or kids, one of your fraternity brothers or your best man at your wedding dies. Or the day you pin your son into your fraternity. Other than those times and some others (ex. the birth of your first born or the birth of your first born grandchild….etc).

      I will now start my laps

      13 years ago at 1:36 pm
    43. PostGradWorkFratting

      I created an account just to commend Keystone and degrade the geeds who failed to get the reference within the first 2 paragraphs. To those who didn’t get it after reading the entire post, you are a seat filler at chapter, you are completely non-essential. To those who didn’t get it and then time the step to post about how keystone was a geed, you were the ninja, the guy who snuck in and cause the chapter to regret and explain you for the next 4 years. You bring nothing to the organization and you go home on weekends and brag to your high school buddies about all the slampieces you have. Even they know you are spinning fabrications, but they allow you to continue simply for thier own amusement. Gameday starts at 10, first games come on at noon, SEC on CBS at 3:30, etc., etc. Try to keep up

      13 years ago at 2:17 pm
    44. Asshole Til I Die

      Holy fuck, this is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while. Pledges should be used to a little downgrading. If I had a pledge come crying to me because somebody made fun of his cargo shorts, I would haze the fuck out of him right then and there.

      13 years ago at 2:27 pm
    48. proud to be a yankee

      In all fairness to the people that didn’t get the Gundy reference, it was a while ago. Oh and Keystone, while this was pretty fucking funny, you have way too much time on your hands, pretty sure you copied this word for word.

      13 years ago at 2:54 pm
    49. I Piss Excellence

      ^^I love people in college accusing other college students of having too much time on their hands as if they spend every minute of every day doing something meaningful and productive (it’s fucking college, we spend half our time drinking just for the fun of it). Get off your high horse and just admit this was funny without the asterisk.

      13 years ago at 3:02 pm
    50. Keystone Heavy

      Ok, I wasn’t planning on replying to this again. I was content with enjoying the comments, especially the ones who made themselves look like fools by taking it seriosly and insulting me. But to address the couple of people that wonder how long it took me, it was less than 10 minutes. I just googled “Mike Gundy rant transcript” and pretty much filled in the blanks.

      13 years ago at 3:14 pm
    51. Frattery

      I was putting my hazin’ gloves on until I realized what was going on 1/4 of the way in. Artfully done Keystone.

      13 years ago at 3:54 pm
    52. PSKFrattinAllDay

      Started to get pissed then remembered it about halfway through. starting my lap now.

      13 years ago at 4:52 pm
    53. zeta_and_pearls

      I’m a woman, and even I followed what he meant. Snaps to you, it was hilarious.

      13 years ago at 7:43 pm
    54. okusa

      love how the 90% that were too stupid to get this right off are probably the same guys always talking about how much they love sports and how they’re gonna be the next great lawyer/corporate raider combo while sporting a 2.9 gpa at a tier 5 school. good to get a little reality check in every now and then

      13 years ago at 10:32 pm
    56. bubba shrimp

      I can’t believe only a few people caught that… This must have taken forever but it was definitely hilarious.

      13 years ago at 6:54 pm
    57. BROnonia_Docet

      Caught on after the 3rd line… This is by far the best comment/reply i’ve seen on this site. anyone who doesn’t understand this is a reference to Mike Gundy’s (Oklahoma State coach) rant is a fucking retard. Hat’s off to you Keystone.

      13 years ago at 7:04 am
    59. Damn Right

      Hahahh this is one of the best reference, column, tfm etc thats ever been on this site. Everything fit so perfectly. And for the record, it took me until the garbage part to realize the reference.

      13 years ago at 10:45 am
    60. booze haze slam

      hey i didnt read everything and im sure i wouldnt gree with everything but i think it takes a man to stand up for anybody like this. but this site is for shit talking and bullshitting basically. if someone got their feelings hurt to the degree in which you are describing there are a few options but for him to be hurt like you say i hate that for him and think its a great thing a man like you is there to help. I did 3 tours overseas and i joined the marines bc i wanted to fight for those who couldnt fight for themselves bc i knew i could. so Phi Alpha to you man.

      13 years ago at 8:01 pm
    61. BROnonia_Docet

      Booze, you’re a fucking retard and your photo belongs on fail friday. Read the whole post next time, moron.

      13 years ago at 1:20 am
    62. aOoOPARTY

      didn’t think that interview could ever get funnier… proved me wrong… well played… 🙂

      13 years ago at 11:58 pm