FAIL FRIDAY: Snorting Bath Salts

TFM Intern13 years ago

Ten real submissions, nine photos, and two videos that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

My dad gave me two tips when I left for college: don’t sit on the toilet too long or you’ll get hemorrhoids. TFM.
–Alaska

Even if I assumed the concept of TFM hasn’t quite translated in some parts of Alaska, that was still only one tip and a weird one at that.

Took two hits of Viagra to get my fuck on. Ended up in the ER getting my balls drained with a needle longer than my dick. TFM.
-Georgia

So it’s safe to assume you had an erection lasting longer than four hours?

Just got my grade report: 0.75. Delayed my graduation, but I did better than Bluto from Animal House. TFM.
–Michigan

We’re all very proud of you.

Went to surprise my girlfriend at Auburn and walked in on her blowing a dude with an orange mohawk. I kicked him in the dick and called her a fucking geed banger. TFM.
-Alabama

If by some miracle there is video footage of this, I will pay $500 for it.

Getting tossed out of the strip club for screaming “Show me your asshole!” at the dancers. TFM.
–Texas

You’ve got to be tipping hard to make demands like that and get away with it.

Since I was 10, every summer I’ve flown to Mexico to do missionary work. This year I tried to start my own fraternity with the locals. Our pastor asked me to fly home early. TFM.
-Oklahoma

Viva el frat.

Snorting a mound of bath salts and eating a pledge’s face. TFM.
–Arkansas

This zombie apocalypse is getting out of control.

My mom walked in on me spanking it to my little sister’s bestfriend’s Facebook. TFM.
– Massachusetts

Damn that’s awkward and totally unrelated to this website.

Last night I set a bar on fire during that “tonight we are young so let’s set the world on fire” song. It burned to the ground. My parents are pissed. TFM.
–Virginia

They should be happy you didn’t burn down the banana stand, you flamer.

Every time I black out I wake up wearing a Victoria’s Secret thong and a blonde wig with the name “Martina” written across my chest in Sharpie. TFM.
–Washington

Why don’t you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family, and have some real problems, jackass.

This chapter is making a conscious effort to legitimize cargo shorts.

“Surprise dick grab!”

Twenty beers and I’ll still tit fuck that thing. TFTC.

Guys like this ruin “Anything But Clothes” parties.

This is not how you want to end your night.

This is how you want to end your night.

What the fuck was the theme of this party? Was there even a party?

“Look it’s the Leaning Tower of Pisa! Let’s drop our pants!” No wonder everyone hates us.

This guy ralphed up two pounds of fresh spaghetti, roll over and went back to sleep.

This attempt at rap makes Vanilla Ice look as black as Wesley Snipes:

She has less rhythm than a blind Chinese man in a honky tonk.

I wake up and thank my parents that I’m fucking paid:

Family money couldn’t get them onto an actual golf course, or at least a driving range to shoot?

And now your chasers. First, women doing housework in lingerie:

Women shooting guns and blowing things up in lingerie:

Get stoned and tell me both of those videos aren’t terrifyingly awesome.

If you missed last week’s Fail Friday, CLICK HERE.