FAIL FRIDAY: The Ass Tat

Ten real submissions, five photos, and one video that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

Woke up in a Phi Mu’s bed with shit in my pants. That completes the cycle, I have now shit myself in every sorority house on campus. TFTC.
–Missouri

This is not the cycle you should be going for.

Went and saw Harold and Kumar 3 last night. Got so high in my car beforehand that I spent $70 at the concession stand. TFM.
–Illinois

You are a pathetic and disgusting slob with shitty taste in movies.

Getting blackout drunk and hiding ices around my room so I “accidentally” ice myself the next day. TFM.
–Minnesota

Everybody, welcome Minnesota to the party.


Donating sperm to fund my alcoholism and to insure an increased number of legacies for my house. TFM.
–Texas

I don’t think donated sperm is insurable. At least not by major insurance agencies.

Knowing it’s okay to tell girls you love Taylor Swift because of the way you dress. TFM.
–North Carolina

Nope. Swing and a miss.

Late to class because your porn was buffering slowly. TFM.
–Pennsylvania

You just had to see the guy get off before heading to political science, didn’t you?

Smelling your dick after anal. TFM.
–Massachusetts

Come on, man. That is disturbing.

I don’t need dip to be a goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus but I do it anyway. TFM.
–Connecticut

Why do people think dip is a sexual stimulant?

I have to get a TPM posted on here for pledgeship. Please god help me. TPM. Seriously though there’s a lot riding on this.
–South Carolina

I hope some horrible punishment awaits you, because that effort was WEAK.

I’m drunk, I just want to say hello to you Mr. Intern Pledge. I just pissed in my roommate’s shoes and ate his last chicken patty. I’ll keep you updated on this escalating situation. Ron Paul 2012.
–Alabama

Please don’t keep me updated.


Hey, bro. Will you oil my abs for me?


Russell Brand and the matching SAE twins.


Yes, that is a fraternity symbol. I verified it. This is now the worst frat tat in history.


“Just lay your fat ass down on the floor and we’ll make it on TFM!”


The Lacoste tat, the board shorts, and the girl who doesn’t know how sad he is.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you “Pike Rap”

    1. LiggerNynchin

      I’ve submitted this as a TFM. like ten times, guess the TFM pledge has jungle fever or some shit

      13 years ago at 4:32 pm
    2. Sack and Trapster

      Nah. Unlike you he has class, something I wouldn’t expect from someone growing up finger blasting their cousin in a trailer park somewhere deep in the south. Sucks to suck, but you are doing a fine job at it. Carry on you sackless piece of shit.

      13 years ago at 6:29 am
    3. better_than_you

      Ligger, apparently the fever is going around this time of year, he wont post any of mine either.

      13 years ago at 3:35 pm
    4. LiggerNynchin

      Oh and at least, My cousin taught me what a joke was when I saw it, stupid fuck

      13 years ago at 4:45 pm
    5. No Knee Grows

      Sack and Trapster – I think the temporary election of that half-ling to the White House has made nogs like you forget their place. Now, I gotta punish you. But I’m a kind ‘massa, so I’ll give you the option: 40 lashes with a switch, or you can be the jamboy for my afternoon golf game. I’ll let you decide while you’re finishing up that last row of cotton shrubs.

      13 years ago at 4:53 pm
    6. Sack and Trapster

      No Knee Grows- Too bad I’m a Republican and could zero fucks about that “nog” in the white house. While I admit when I first saw your name I laughed and thought how clever, but after seeing the banality of your comments on this site I realized I wanted to spray you in the face with a fire extinguisher. Be your jamboy? I would out golf you seven days out of the week. Pick cotton? You silly fuck, that one made me laugh. Here’s a thought, find a knife, then run into it a couple of times or find the tallest roof nearby and jump off. Whatever is more convenient for you.

      Ligger- What a clever and well thought out retort. I’m curious as to what else you and your cousin have taught each other. Actually, I’m not, so I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul, you simpleminded, unintelligent fuck. Thanks for playing

      13 years ago at 2:37 am
    7. LiggerNynchin

      Some of us spend seconds rather then hours coming up with our response. because unlike you, we accept that this is just a website, and that having serious arguments like yours are pointless… because in the end no one cares, If it makes you feel better about yourself, congrats. I’d rather spend time on something actually productive.
      -Sincerely
      Ligger Idontgiveafuck Nynchin

      13 years ago at 10:41 am
    8. Sack and Trapster

      Serious argument? Nah. Just pointing out that you are a transparent, unoriginal, inbred fuck that has terrible taste in humor. You’ve already admitted defeat which is NF, and yes, I feel tons better. So without any further adieu I will kindly tell you to go fuck yourself and have nice a day.

      13 years ago at 12:54 pm
    9. Eskimo_Bro

      Sack and Trapster, get your yankee ass off of this website and go hang yourself. For all I know you are probably a n.igger and you would make a perfect token black wind-chime.

      13 years ago at 1:29 pm
    10. LiggerNynchin

      Not knowing the difference between conceding defeat and letting some stupid fucking Yankee continue his rambling, while disregarding every bit of it. NF.

      13 years ago at 3:07 pm
  1. Majestic Bald Eagle

    She doesn’t look too bad, but then you get a look at those hideous man feet. Good God!

    13 years ago at 3:25 pm
    1. Jon M Fratsman

      Whoa now. Let’s not demean the PHC (or NPHC for that matter) by suggesting that they’d ever take Pike. That’s pretty low.

      13 years ago at 4:31 pm
    1. Majestic Bald Eagle

      You should make your pledges have to comb his ass with a comb in their teeth.

      13 years ago at 5:35 pm
  2. FraterdayAfternoon

    That Pledge did get the TPM published….. either he’s really dumb or they’re getting smarter.

    13 years ago at 4:28 pm
  3. No Knee Grows

    I didn’t think anything could possibly be worse than the “Sigma Nu Till I Die” rap video. I stand corrected. Congratulations, Pike.

    13 years ago at 4:33 pm
  4. Donald_Draper

    I think the saddest part of this video is that the guy’s on exec board… Which means for this video to be produced, it probably had to go through all the proper channels, and not one person said “Wait guys… This is fucking dumb.”

    … Granted, it would’ve had to go through a Pike chapter’s meeting to get approved, so I guess I’m not THAT surprised.

    13 years ago at 5:51 pm