FAIL FRIDAY: Virgin Weddings
Ten real submissions, five photos, and one video that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.
That instant urge to fart during a blowjob is equally comparable to that immediate urge to piss when getting in the shower. TFM.
–Arkansas
Neither of these urges is normal, by any stretch of the word.
The only thing more puzzling to me than slams calling me “god” is that they think I care that they are coming. TFM.
–Alabama
That’s because you have sociopathic tendencies.
Making ghost noises in class making GDI’s think the building is haunted. TFM.
–Georgia
Nice 6-year-old prank you fucking childish dufus.
Self-made man using pledge labor to make billions of dollars while wearing ridiculous clothes, and telling a poor kid to go fuck himself. Willy Wonka. TFTC.
–Texas
You know Willy Wonka was carrying on sexual relationships with the male oompa loompas, right?
Slam did the dishes while taking it from behind and then had to do them again after I busted on them. TFM.
–Pennsylvania
That’s high quality dish washing liquid.
Slams love it when I make Chewbacca noises right before cumming. TFM.
–Kansas
The force is weak in this one.
Hipster geed came to take my order at a restaurant. I politely told him I wanted a new server, and to fuck off. TFM.
–Utah
You’re expecting a waiter that’s FaF?
Overheard a GDI say, “Yo, whats up?” I turned around and told him yoyos are for mentally retarded people and children. TFM.
–Arizona
Another joke from someone with a 3rd grade reading level.
The only thing that shoots harder cum shots are my zits. TFM.
–Kansas
Sweet Lord. Why?
Today I went to the T-Mobile Store because I hadn’t gotten any texts in the last 2 weeks. The employee tested it and decided that the phone wasn’t broken; I just hadn’t gotten any texts. FML.
–Texas
You’re on the wrong fucking website, loser.
This must’ve been one fucked up hangover.
When the zombie apocalypse comes, you definitely save the Xbox.
Getting laid isn’t cool. You know what’s cool? Puke triangle handholding.
Get your shit together.
Rollerblades are for Sonic employees, and those shirts are for…no one really.
Pissing in the shower. TFTC
13 years ago at 5:05 pmHahaha ghosts. Fuck Alabama. GEAUX TIGERS!
13 years ago at 5:06 pmCool story bro
13 years ago at 10:12 pmHe spelled go wrong. Silly cupid.
13 years ago at 1:08 amAnd Intern where is your weekly column? Needledick sonofa german whore.
13 years ago at 5:08 pmPeeing in the shower. ‘Merica.
13 years ago at 5:09 pmAmerica*
13 years ago at 5:15 pmstop fucking saying Merica i am tired of that shit, it is disrespectful to our country. I swear to fucking God if i see someone else mispronounce America i will find you and beat the living shit out of you
13 years ago at 9:29 pm^ While I agree with the comment, threatening people over the Internet saying you will find them and beat the shit out of them really reinforces the whole Fail Friday concept.
13 years ago at 9:49 pm‘Merica.
13 years ago at 11:03 pm^ OOOHHH you’re going to get it now! that guy is going to find you. He swore to GOD!
13 years ago at 2:26 amUnited States of America.
13 years ago at 3:24 am^^ ….’Merica.
13 years ago at 5:40 amdrunken rant, sorry i am not sorry. But in all seriousness Its America not ‘Merica.
13 years ago at 11:12 amIn this situation the apostrophe marks the omission of one or more letters. Therefore ‘Merica, not “Merica” is a perfectly acceptable shortening of the word…when using basic grammar, Cun.tnugget.
13 years ago at 1:41 pmI dont think you need a “.” in the middle of cuntnugget. you silly cuntnugget.
13 years ago at 1:58 pmYou mad bro?
13 years ago at 12:50 amgrammar patrol extraordinare
13 years ago at 10:26 pmPretty sure thats a penis. Get that shit out of here.
13 years ago at 5:12 pmFAF lookin penis there.
Frat on. Great pic intern. It made up for taking the column down of the boy with the bowtie.
13 years ago at 5:15 pmSeconded^
13 years ago at 5:16 pmThats a great lookin dick Peter
13 years ago at 8:16 pmhahahahaha I finally made fail friday hahahahaha
13 years ago at 5:14 pmSo that’s you in the zebra speedo? Uu la la
13 years ago at 5:34 pmhahaha! I may be a little old for you. Mine was the yoyo
13 years ago at 5:40 pmcongratulations, change your name to FreetoLAPS
13 years ago at 6:43 pmtaking yourself way to seriously, TinsecureM, how many laps shall I do?
13 years ago at 6:55 pmTake about 20. Then hit the showers. Jerry Fratdusky will be waiting for you 😉
13 years ago at 7:00 pmI’m still waiting….
13 years ago at 11:14 pmsorry I’m late coach
13 years ago at 2:55 amYou should’ve requested me at the restaurant, or at least gone to chilis. Next time, @reply me on twitter (http://twitter.com/#/the_chilis_guy_) and I’ll put your reservation down and me as your server.
13 years ago at 5:15 pmFuck. Chilis.
13 years ago at 5:21 pmDON’T YOU GO BADMOUTHING CHILI’S YOU GOD DAMNED HIPPIE!
13 years ago at 6:07 pm^Whoa, Lay off the Queso killer.
13 years ago at 6:26 pmI served Chilean miners at our first-ever Chili’s in Chile. Chiliception.
13 years ago at 6:45 pm^ not good enough. You need to kill more hookers and sexually harass more guests.
13 years ago at 7:39 pm^^ wasn’t me. Someone made an imitation account… Which can be funny, but honestly, already bugs me. I have a fratty reputation to uphold you god damned copy cat. Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
13 years ago at 8:43 pm^Dwight Schrute FaF. I’d do anything to pee in his pujol. Even ditch my team for their division rivals! Oh wait…
13 years ago at 9:39 pmChili’s happy hour is bullshit.
13 years ago at 9:41 pmstop confusing me
13 years ago at 9:56 pm^Come to Applebee’s and you be confused no longer.
13 years ago at 9:59 pm*will be. Fuck those 2 for 20 deals are getting me too excited.
13 years ago at 9:59 pmgod dammit that twitter argument is hilarious. I never had applebees
13 years ago at 10:01 pmWell, there’s a first for everything. Come see the light at your friendly neighborhood Applebee’s. We’ll show you a good time.
13 years ago at 10:03 pmhot slut waitresses? the ol’ Olive garden women aint doing me good no more
13 years ago at 10:04 pmChilis>Applebees, come on everyone knows that. 2for1 all day
13 years ago at 2:30 am2 for 20 dollars motherfucker
13 years ago at 2:31 amHow is being a virgin when you’re married not frat? God calls us to be virgins and God is the biggest frat-star EVER. Call it what you want, but my Southern Baptist ways have taught me different.
13 years ago at 5:16 pm^ this guy
13 years ago at 5:17 pmSorry, but being a virgin on your wedding day is the least frat thing of all time. It’s fine to be Christian as long as you don’t take it too seriously.
13 years ago at 5:26 pmJesus never said making out followed by a good ol’ reach-around was wrong.
13 years ago at 5:28 pmVirgin. NF
13 years ago at 5:28 pmFinger banging. FaF
13 years ago at 5:29 pm^ So if you just fingerbang a slam and stop there, Jesus will let you into heaven?
13 years ago at 5:32 pmIt’s about the super awkward kiss.
13 years ago at 5:32 pmIt’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
13 years ago at 5:40 pmWet dreams are FAF…
13 years ago at 5:48 pmfrattab2- I hope your being sarcastic about not taking Christ too seriously. If not, then I hope they serve beer in hell.
13 years ago at 6:40 pmI wouldn’t call God a “frat star” like…ever. But yes, I also have chosen to wait. But really–no to Jesus being a frat-star. MY Southern Baptist ways have taught me to be more respectful than that.
13 years ago at 6:52 pmJesus said forgive and forget, paraphrased of course
13 years ago at 7:51 pmHe also said not to do it again once you learned it was wrong. It’s not that difficult. Quit making excuses for yourself. Live like a Christian or stop saying you’re a Christian.
13 years ago at 9:43 pm^This.
13 years ago at 10:06 pmRose and White–no finger banging either? Well there goes my theory. NS.
13 years ago at 11:12 pmI bet she takes it up the pooper. It doesn’t count, remember?
13 years ago at 11:34 pmCam Newton. NF
13 years ago at 12:31 am^^I hope so. I’d give her a quick pink tubesock.
13 years ago at 1:53 pmCam Newton Can 2 should change his name to Tim Tebow
13 years ago at 7:20 pm^Second. That being said, fuck cam newton
13 years ago at 11:09 amI expect my waiters to be FaF.
13 years ago at 5:23 pm*waders FaF
13 years ago at 6:56 pmYou could reply to just about every TFM with “That’s because you have sociopathic tendencies.”
13 years ago at 5:24 pmSecond
13 years ago at 5:39 pm