FAIL FRIDAY: We’re Going Down

TFM Intern10 years ago

Ten real submissions, 21 photos, two videos, and one column submission that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

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Having a penis with adequate length but seriously lacking the appropriate girth. TFM.

This is why I use a penis pump like Austin Powers.

Telling her you came so quick because you were thinking about her sister that you got with the week before. TFM.

Apparently he’s not looking to make this a repeat hookup.

Saying grace before going down on the preacher’s daughter. TFM.

“Thank you Lord for this bountiful poonani. May it nourish my body. Amen.”

Taking a shot for every chromosome the kid you just beat in a game of pickup basketball doesn’t have. TFM.

Are you implying you just took a shot after beating a person with Down Syndrome in basketball?

My bros say I frat so hard that I have to tone it down a few notches. Got me on a low-frat diet all week. Haha #FratMove.

Get the fuck out.

That awkward moment when you ask her to come upstairs and see your anaconda, then your actual pet anaconda chokes her to death. TFM.

That would be fairly awkward.

Talking to the police with a condom still on your member. TFM.

I wear a condom 24/7. Only take it off to pee.

Jizzing on your room’s carpet to leave your mark for the next legendary bro who moves in. So frat, so summer 2k13. TFM.

Come on, man. This is why you need a constant condom.

Your nickname in the chapter being “Frat Doucher.” TFM.

You are terrible at everything.

fuck you you fucking intern. If you were my penis, id chop you off because you would be the smallest piece of shit that you wouldn’t even get me laid. fucking pledge.

You mad, geed?

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Kappa Sigma Carwash 2014

Milk Party

Chaser

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>>>BONUS FAIL COLUMN SUBMISSION<<<

So im at this Frat party chillen with my bitches and bros with two bottles of I dont know what the fuck but we were all pretty hammered. Clearly no one was giving a fuck and all I wanted to do was bone this girl giving me a lap dance. Then out of no where this GDI boner comes up behind me and challenges me to a shotgun competition. At first I thought it was a joke. I looked at the girl giving me a lap dance and gave her a look like who does this guy think he is. This dude looked like the definition of boner. He had on cargo shorts, a fucking pair of sketchers and a fucking sweater. Also it was up in Chico where its hot as fuck so I dont know what this dude was thinking. After realizing this dude wasn’t kidding I said i’m about to make you my bitch so get ready. This GDI wanted to do a 12 oz shotgun so I was like, “bitch were chugging 40’s your a pussy if you can only shotgun a 12 oz.” I stopped the entire party and told everyone to get outside to watch this shit go down. I told him that whoever loses has to shove a raw hot dog up there butt and get the fuck out of this party. I knew I wasn’t going to lose. We each had our 40’s in hand ready to go. When someone yelled go I started chugging. I didnt even look at the boner who challenged me all I was only worried about destroying him. I finished the whole thing in less than 20 seconds and you wouldn’t believe me if I told you but he was barley even half way. Everyone went crazy and started chanting my name. Once he finally finished a minute later people were so pissed he had even tried they started booing him. This girl handed me the hot dog and we all laughed as he tried to stick it up his butt. As he was leaving I got everyone to start chanting “boner” which made it an epic walk of shame. Moral of the story, GDI’s aren’t allowed at Frat parties especially if your a total boner and you can hang. TFM.