Farcical @CollegeStudent Twitter Account Goes Rogue, Gets All Real Talk-y And Depressing

Rob Fox13 years ago

It’s easy to forget that there are actual human beings behind Twitter accounts, human beings with feelings. Human beings who maybe don’t appreciate it when they’re told to swallow a bleach jizzing elephant dick, or don’t like being informed of how, when, where, and why their followers would take sexual liberties with their mother. YOU’RE ALL MONSTERS!

That is to say, sometimes it’s hard to separate yourself and how you are feeling at any given moment from your Twitter persona, if they are in fact intended to be distinctly different. When you’re sad or frustrated, you probably want to vent, and the eyes of thousands at your finger tips qualifies as a pretty big damn vent. Personally, I prefer to get drunk and shout nonsense out my window in the middle of the night until I wake up one of my neighbors, and then turn it into an argument about their lawn or parking spaces, but I’m old-fashioned, and Irish. My therapist told me I displace my anger. I told her she was a dumb bitch, but I think I might have made her point for her, because that was the day after Mizzou lost to Colorado State in the first round of the tournament…bitch.

So it’s not all that surprising to me when a Twitter account goes rogue for a tweet or two, completely breaking from its normal voice. Such was the case yesterday with the popular account (over 100k followers) @CollegeStudent. The lighthearted account usually tweets self deprecating, college-themed thoughts and observations. Yesterday, however, @CollegeStudent decided to GET REAL and dish out some in your face, take no prisoners, totally rambling and cliché advice, in picture form, attached to this tweet:

You’re in college, start acting like it twitter.com/ColIegeStudent…

— College Student (@ColIegeStudent) June 4, 2013

OH SNAP! You hear that, college kids? You need to start acting like you’re in college! @CollegeStudent isn’t all that clear about how college students are supposed to act, though. Because his advice sort of meanders, I’m going to try and organize it for the TFM readers.

1) If you embrace the moment too much, you’re gay.
2) Don’t be racist; prejudice is ignorant.
3) Girls, you are all beautiful and deserve respect no matter what.
4) Girls, you need to settle for the men nearest to you, and you’re pretty dumb for not having figured that out.
5) Girls, if you are disrespected by a man you were probably asking for it.
6) Nobody wants to hear your funny stories.
7) Being influenced by culture is stupid, except Twitter advice, that’s fine.

I guess he was drunk? That’s generally when my rogue tweets slip out. Thankfully I’m usually able to delete stuff like, “#RealTalk Cats IS better than Rent, so STFU #LloydWeber4Dayz” before anyone sees it. This guy, however, is letting his lame drunk tweet fly proudly. Lame.