Federal Authorities Raided Jared From Subway’s House In Connection To Child Porn This Morning
The world was shocked to learn this morning that Jared Fogle, the skinny spokesman for Subway sandwiches, is being investigated for child porn.
Federal authorities raided his Indiana home at around 6:30 a.m. Tuesday morning with warrants in connection to a child pornography case that stems back to the Jared Foundation. A former director of Fogle’s charitable organization was arrested earlier this year for producing child pornography.
The only people who might not be shocked are his old college buddies, who were familiar with the underground porn business Fogle ran inside his Indiana University dorm. A 2007 VH1 exclusive that doesn’t look so crazy anymore explains how Fat Jared was a porn entrepreneur before becoming everyone’s beloved Sandwich Guy.
From VH1:
According to our source, while studying at Indiana University, Fogle ran a very successful pornography rental company out of his bedroom. His porn collection was vast and extensive, and Fogle took his business pretty seriously. A video would run a patron a dollar a day (cheap!), and people would come from all over to take advantage of the deal. Needless to say, Jared had enough porn to keep his customers happy.
As far as his incredible weight loss goes, it turns out it wasn’t as motivated as you would think. In fact, what got Jared hooked on Subway in the first place was laziness. The sandwich chain had opened a branch on the first floor of Jared’s dorm, and what with his busy porn company, Jared began eating the sandwiches out of extreme laziness.
As a person who has consumed a Subway sandwich before, I knew Jared had to be weird as fuck. Those sandwiches are terrible and only a truly strange person could eat a Subway footlong and think to themselves, “Damn, more of this please.”
Subway sandwiches: Keeping sex addicts and potential pedophiles healthy and fit since the early ’90s..
[via Fox 59]
Image via YouTube
His last name would be Fogle. He kind of does look like a 45-year old McLovin.
10 years ago at 10:40 amand Mr. Gilmore now has one less sponsor.
10 years ago at 10:40 amI’m not saying Subway is the greatest place in the world, but if you think the sandwiches are that bad, you have no one to blame except yourself for picking shitty toppings.
10 years ago at 10:45 amCouple of possibilities.
10 years ago at 10:47 am1. Someone set him up.
2. He was looking at those 16 year olds that look 20.
3. He is a Cheverere.
Fuck all those girls who fall into the category of option 2. I feel so close but so far at the same time.
10 years ago at 11:02 amSteve Holt writes an article that will provoke jokes so we don’t rip him in the comments for being a shitty writer. However, fuck you Helmet Stickers. You can’t write for shit.
10 years ago at 11:02 amWay to frame him for your crimes, Dorn
10 years ago at 11:08 amTry harder.
10 years ago at 12:34 pmMaybe I will
10 years ago at 7:56 amWhen I saw this on twitter 4 hours ago along with the rest of the world I wondered when steve holt was gonna link us to a news video, make a few dumb comments, and post this to a fraternity website full of people who already heard the news and don’t care. And then I wondered which clever genius would make a connection between Jared to Dorn. Then I asked myself why TFM shares the same news stories as every other media outlet hours after everybody finds out on twitter.
10 years ago at 11:11 amThis is brutally honest and completely accurate.
10 years ago at 4:30 pmWhatever gets his $5 footling off
10 years ago at 11:16 amGiving the children your “$5 footlong”. TDornM
10 years ago at 11:32 amOverweight and into child porn where have you be all my life jared
10 years ago at 11:35 am