Fidget Spinner Porn Is Here Because God Has Forsaken Us
America really has a way of making strange shit trendy. From pet rocks to Silly Bandz to those pointless yellow silicon bracelets we all used to wear to truffle butter, nothing is off limits. The current flavor of the second? Fidget spinners. And as you know, if it exists, there’s a porn about it.
From Mashable:
Pornhub says that at their peak, searches for “fidget spinner” were up 282 percent over the average. They started to climb on May 10th. In the 10 days that followed, there were 2.5 million searches for videos involving the gadget. It’s been the top trending term for May and the fifth most popular overall search for the month.
Top trending term AND the fifth most popular search for May. This is more popular than that uncomfortable edging trend we saw last month, but at least that involved real human beings. Read further along in the article and it tells you that the popularity of fidget spinner porn has gone up a whopping 186 percent among 18-24 year olds. This is all the fault of you fucking creeps, and I have never felt so betrayed.
Do you need someone to talk to? How long have you had these urges? Because giving yourself the ol’ five finger shuffle while your eyes are glued to a video of two fidget spinners violently slamming into each other (or whatever this porn entails; I refuse to look it up) must be some sort of cry for help. It just makes no sense. I’ve been a Pornhub user for years now, and not once have I thought, “Man, this Lisa Ann ain’t doin’ it for me anymore. I wonder if they got any inanimate children’s playthings I can pleasure myself to.”
This needs to end. For the sake of our generation, please just go back to watching normal videos of people fucking..
[via Mashable]
Image via Shutterstock
Stop censoring us you fucking commie bastards.
9 years ago at 11:03 amI had like 4/5 comments deleted from the photo wall yesterday. Most of them weren’t even that bad.
9 years ago at 1:27 pmI’d let that lil’ piece of Tampa Trash do the splits on my face.
9 years ago at 11:06 am▬▬▬▬▬☛O sdfsdf
9 years ago at 1:50 amjust before I saw the paycheck which was of $9068 , I did not believe …that…my father in law was like they say actually taking home money in there spare time on their computer. . there brothers friend haze done this for less than seven months and at present paid the loans on there apartment .. .★★★◕◡◕◕ ◡◕◕◡◕____BIG…..EARN….MONEY..___❥❥❥❥❥❥❥-</b
I get fetishes you know, some people are into weird shit.. but this..? Fucking why? How is a fidget spinner a turn on? Jesus Christ I hate the human race
9 years ago at 11:07 amThe human race hates you
9 years ago at 12:41 pmDo something about it then pussy
9 years ago at 1:07 pmI’m convinced you and the Vaginator are the same odd little human
9 years ago at 1:23 pmDon’t compare me to that little fucker
9 years ago at 1:33 pmYou’re right, he is somehow better than you.
9 years ago at 3:27 pmGood thing I have an account that gets upvotes everytime. It proves my comments aren’t bad and that it’s just my name
9 years ago at 4:17 pmSo what you’re saying is… you have multiple active accounts that you use on TFM? And one of them is to purposefully be a piece of shit? That’s honestly extremely sad kid
9 years ago at 5:32 pmSay that to my face you fucking pussy. You know you wont
9 years ago at 7:56 pmHe can’t you’re an avatar on a screen that’s literally impossible.
9 years ago at 12:28 pmAnd you fart a lot.
9 years ago at 9:21 pm“You’re a Sammy. You have bigger problems than being farted on.” – my son
9 years ago at 9:30 pmPatagonia baggies are dope. They are also on sale for $34.99 at REI till the 29th.
9 years ago at 11:08 amGo back to whatever the Canadian version of high school is.
9 years ago at 11:19 amHockey practice
9 years ago at 11:39 amWell played.
9 years ago at 3:12 pmI think it’s just porn that happens to have spinners in it. Like “big black teen cream pies his teacher to get his fidget spinner back” saw that one.
9 years ago at 11:14 amTen percent of those searches are probably from people misspelling “midget spitters”, if I had to take a guess.
9 years ago at 3:03 pmThis comment was grossly underrated.
9 years ago at 9:38 pmThis comment was grossly overrated.
9 years ago at 10:20 pmBOTD is a smoke. I’d like to make pretty Aryan babies with her.
9 years ago at 11:14 amOk this is kind of embarrassing but kinda funny. When my son was born he came out with a head of dark hair. I have blonde hair and thought to myself “ok glad we didn’t name him the third” (I’m a jr.) but as if I willed it, that hair fell out and the same blonde hair I had as a pup came out.
9 years ago at 3:11 pmUnderrated account
9 years ago at 8:57 amId drink BOTD’s crack sweat for my pre workout.
9 years ago at 11:20 amKrista from USF you give me wood, also would 9/10
9 years ago at 11:23 amId fill today’s whore’s butthole with so much cum she’d be shitting it out for the next week and a half
9 years ago at 12:28 pmSo your secret Identity is Peter North?
9 years ago at 1:21 pmSounds like you have a medical condition.
9 years ago at 2:10 pmDoes it ever get tiring trying this hard?
9 years ago at 2:19 pmSwing and a miss there champ
9 years ago at 2:49 pmKeep on dancin boy
9 years ago at 3:40 pmYou have no life, poor fella
9 years ago at 9:21 pmis your grandma’s butthole not doing it for you anymore?
9 years ago at 2:28 amHe tried his sister’s first. It was like a hotdog in a hallway because his dad had already parked his torpedo in her caboose.
9 years ago at 9:19 pmSit the fuck down before you get hurt kid
9 years ago at 9:19 pmProposing a bill to Congress on banning fidget spinners and the deportation of everyone found using these fudge spinners.
9 years ago at 1:14 pmShut the fuck up Donnie.
9 years ago at 1:16 pmYou must be from CNN
9 years ago at 1:19 pmShut the fuck up Donnie!
9 years ago at 1:25 pmI just talked to Pence, ya know like 2 minutes ago, and he told me I can’t do that. Will fire everyone in congress until I can. MAGA
9 years ago at 1:20 pm“You’re outta your element, Donnie”
9 years ago at 3:07 pmJimmy Carter was a better president than you
9 years ago at 3:24 pmBobs right
9 years ago at 8:16 am