Frat Essentials: Seersucker

jakewgoldman13 years ago

Being a Gentleman of the South, there are two things that instantly come to mind when the month of August is mentioned. First, there are the sweet southern belles who have nothing to do but radiate under the Dixieland sun, sporting the smallest piece of fabric excuse for a bikini laden in men riding polo horses. Then, of course, there is the very thing that makes those back-home honeys dress down to their unmentionables: The August Heat.

Let’s face it; it’s hot as balls in August. Whether your having a Bayou Broil in Baton Rouge, Slamming Soco in South Carolina, or fertilizing the lawn of the Frat Castle in hopes of it growing just a few more inches before the “Associate Member” lawn care crew arrives in the fall, the heat and humidity of the summer months can take a real toll on a man if he is not wearing the proper attire. Fortunately for us, there is seersucker.

Now, if you simply know seersucker as that crinkly blue and white striped fabric all of those short-shorts are made of, you’ve stumbled across the wrong column, GDI. As anyone south of the Mason Dixon would tell you, seersucker is the one material that is light enough to beat the southern heat, yet durable enough to handle the humidity induced perspiration of even the largest token fat fraternity brother. And oh yeah, if you dress head to toe in the shit, you’ll look AND stay as cool as my favorite cheap bourbon’s mascot.

Seersucker should be a staple of any proper man’s closet during the summer months. Not only does it keep you cool during those off-the-cuff afternoon drinking endeavors, but it also has a classic aura about it. Seersucker is not an essential merely because of its function, its much more than that. It’s the very material my father’s shorts were made of when he was raging in the 80’s. It’s the fabric my grandfather’s blazer was woven from for his outdoor wedding in June. Hell, my great-grandfather wore the shit. It’s a fucking tradition.

So Gentleman, next time you feel that August sun beating down on you harder than a wooden paddle to a pledge’s ass, adorn your seersucker shorts, sip that whiskey ginger, chase some southern tail, and keep the spirit of tradition alive and raging. Your father would be proud of you.