Frat Guy Asks $5,000 For Ralph Lauren Shorts On eBay, Is A Poet

Harrison Lee10 years ago

The listing is for “Lower Fraternal Vestiments,” and you have nearly five days to act before the auction ends. The seller, sherlockholman, is quite the wordsmith too. He doesn’t want you to just be left with a few pairs of shorts; he wants you to come out a new man.

Check out the description from eBay:

Come one, come all, for what you will find here is no mere product. What I am offering to sell you is not merely three pairs of shorts, but something far more valuable. What I am selling is intangible, but not transient. It is indefinable, but not indefinite. I am offering you the mark of excellence, the flair of importance. These shorts are merely a symbol of a larger idea, that of the rise of the American Man, admittance into an upper echelon, frivolity for its own sake. By competing for the purchase of these garments, you are participating in a battle that has been waged in our society since her birth, a battle that surpasses survival whose soldiers seek to stand above and upon their peers. Winning this contest will garner you the livery of America’s unspoken aristocracy. You will stand among nobility, beside Jay Gatsby, Jordan Belfort, and Dan Bilzerian. Having bid farewell to patronage, our Republic bases her aristocracy upon the much more democratic peerage of wealth. Display yourself, equip yourself, set yourself on high. Garb yourself and seize all you’ve ever wanted.

“Act as if! Act as if you’re a wealthy man, rich already, and then you’ll surely become rich. Act as if you have unmatched confidence and then people will surely have confidence in you. Act as if you have unmatched experience and then people will follow your advice. And act as if you are already a tremendous success, and as sure as I stand here today – you will become successful.”
― Jordan Belfort, The Wolf of Wall Street

After reading the description, I’m not sure what the hell he’s even selling. If it wasn’t for the pictures and listing title, you’d think he’s selling the goddamn American dream. That description alone deserves at least one person to place a bid. Maybe not on the product, but on giving this kid a marketing internship.

However, what he is selling is three used pairs of Ralph Lauren shorts. He’s reaching for the moon when it comes to his price, too.

To a commoner, $5K to “buy it now” looks like a steep price to pay for three pairs of shorts. But, these are fraternity man-worn. Therefore, the value added is through the roof..

[via eBay]