Frat Move Of The Year 2015: The Battle Of Grillzales

Jared Borislow9 years ago

In a world where the antics of George H.W. Bush, Donald Trump, and Rob Gronkowski are plastered across the various channels of the mainstream media, who would have thought that this year’s recipient of “Frat Move Of The Year” would come from a quiet housing complex in San Marcos, Texas?

Well, that’s exactly the case. Hunter, a Texas State University student, ran away with the award this year for his response to his housing complex’s decision to ban grills from the property. Unfamiliar with the story? Here’s how it all played out.

Early this year, Hunter got the following message from community management at his housing complex.

NEW BBQ GRILL POLICY: All grills must be removed immediately. Grills left out as of Monday will be removed from your patio or balcony.

Hunter’s response? “Fuck that.”

Not only did Hunter chain his grill to the awning of his patio, thus preventing its capture, he also crafted a flag to boot. And not just any flag — it was a grill-themed version of the Gonzales flag, an iconic symbol of Texas grit and badassery. With his chain and his Grillzales flag, Hunter was dishing out double freedom rockets and letting community management know that if they wanted to confiscate his grill, they had to go through him first.

Or his lock.

When Hunter came back from class one day, all he found was a chain and a destroyed lock – the only remnants of his precious grill. True to form, here was Hunter’s response to this transgression, in his own words:

“Did the Texians give up after the fall of the Alamo? No! And neither would I.”

Awe-inspiring, legendary words. Almost as legendary as what Hunter’s next move was: borrowing a grill from his friend, buying 240 pounds of concrete, and cementing that motherfucker into the cold, hard American ground. Texas ground. His ground.

“The battle had been lost, but I had won the war,” said Hunter. “I thought this would be the end of it. I expected an angry email or something, but I figured the grill was here to stay for a while. I was wrong.”

After Hunter told the maintenance workers who came to take his grill that they would not, in fact, be doing so, the community’s general manager was called in. He explained to Hunter their reasoning for the new policy: that the complex was due to have an insurance inspection soon, and that they needed to have all grills removed so that they could pass.

“I explained that I responded so boldly to the email because it was an all-or-nothing ultimatum, and they had threatened to seize my personal property.”

Hunter and the manager reached an agreement: he could have his beloved original grill back as long as he kept it housed indoors when it was not in use, and if he removed the cemented grill from the ground. Hunter agreed.

Hunter’s commitment to freedom led to a cessation of management’s search and seizure policy. Instead, they went around knocking on doors telling residents to bring their grills inside, as well as leaving notes notifying residents who weren’t home at the time that they took their grill, but could claim it from the office as long as they kept it inside after they got it back. It all goes to show that one dedicated, principled man can stand up to a daunting superevil and still come out on top.

Congratulations, Hunter. Nice move..