Frisbee Golf Is A Joke Of A Sport And Needs To Be Stopped
Thursday afternoon, a couple much older coworkers, who frankly I didn’t think realized my existence, bopped into my office with the sort of shit-eating grins that made me momentarily wonder if my bathroom column-writing charade had reached its conclusion.
Fortunately, my secret remains safe, as instead, they invited me to “play some golf” Friday afternoon. When I asked where to meet them, they replied “our track” and told me to meet at one of their homes for a pre-round drink. It was like getting a bid in the real world; a sign I was on my way to acceptance in this place in which I lived but knew hardly anyone, like a freshman year 1000 miles from home.
Friday I show up to work prepared like a PGA caddie. The weather is a little dicey, so I’ve got multiple pullovers, a spare shirt and pants, and two different pairs of golf shoes I’ll select from depending on the level of the downpour. As a surprise, I’ve got 3 Cohibas and a flask of Crown, trying to be the “fun guy” at work without explicitly admitting the likely impossibility that is me making it through an 18 hole round stone cold sober.
I walk to my boss’s home, as instructed, looking like a Caddyshack villain when I see them: my coworkers, wearing athletic shorts and cutoffs like Kenny fucking powers. They, amazingly, are the ones who start laughing hysterically as I wonder if I’ve wandered into the “special” PE class.
“Siblings, what the hell are you wearing? It’s blistering out there” my boss asks as I contemplate what trailer park of a public course these mouth breathers have in store for me.
Then, like a hazy morning filled with instant regret, the sad realization washes over me: these mother fuckers want to go throw frisbees. What followed was the most boring, pathetic excuse for golf imaginable. I’m throwing this welfare dinner plate at a metal basket in what feels like some sort of sad, inner-city playground game. Yet somehow these idiots are loving it, lining up “shots” like this was the gold medal match of the Special Olympics.
I languished through what seemed like an endless back and forth of this nonsense before escaping to the oasis that is the back 9 of our country club. I’m sitting out there wondering what the fuck just happened? How can anyone refer to this plainly idiotic joke of a game as “golf?” Why are people playing it and honeydicking unsuspecting golfers like me into an afternoon of chasing wayward discs through a VERY public woods (I’m pretty sure I saw two hobos fucking). That was not the substance-filled escape I had planned. Where were the drink cart girls? What the fuck was the point?
If you want to play this shit, go ahead. I have the Gary Johnson Libertarian view of other people’s lives: if it doesn’t affect me, I don’t give a fuck what you do. Bedroom included. But how about we start calling shit what it actually is? Disc or frisbee “golf” is not golf. Just because you’re throwing an object at a hole or basket, that doesn’t necessarily mean it warrants the same nomenclature. Is fucking cornhole golf? By this metric, why wouldn’t basketball be?
Coming into my office with promises of an afternoon of golf instead of work, only to be taken to a frisbee “course,” is like her promising a blowie when you get home but actually meaning an outside-the-pants jerk where she stops before completion. Sure, they’re somewhat similar in nature, but nobody is satisfied.
If I’m being unreasonable, or it was irrational to assume “let’s go golfing at our track” meant the actual sport and not the hipster-imagined game, I’m sorry. Not really, though. Fuck frisbee golf..
Image via Shutterstock
I went to school in the city but close by we have the 3rd largest park within city limits in the county. I can not tell you how great it is to have a place to go with a group of guys, a 6pack, maybe a couple joints and just forget about balancing academics and a social agenda for a hour. Golf is frustrating. Disc golf is a joke; Just like my friends and I.
8 years ago at 5:33 pmDude, clubhouse? In disc golf the clubhouse moves with you. Beer, whiskey, pot what every. And no stuck up assholes watering the ’19th’ hole with their moronic stories. Just cause us suck at something, don’t hate the game. Play at a real course where you need to figure out how to get through some trees, not just hit a ball with your skinny dick… StickGolf Sucks ass and is for you pompous fuckers that deserve it… We don’t want you around anyway.
8 years ago at 9:27 pmWhy dont you go suck a dick you snotty elitist douchebag…. and by the way… any sport 70 year old men play ISNT A SPORT…. so go take your ass back to the golfcourse… no wants p.o.s. like you on the dic golf course… go flirt with pretty girls PAID TO BE NICE TO LOSERS… and ill play discgolf with hot young women that talk to you because they want to… actual golf is the most boring joke of a sport ive ever seen… old out of shape white caller prick hits the ball… rides in the little cart…. hits the ball again… rides in the cart…. hits the ball again and hopes it goes in the hole…. and ive never met a golf player who wasnt a complete dipshit…. the discgolf crowd are always fun DOWN TO EARTH people…
8 years ago at 10:29 pmhaha allot of typos in there…. oh well you get the point… if you like a boring REDICULOUS sport like golf…. PLEASE spend rediculous amounts of money to be a member of a country club… pay rediculous prices to play a game… pay $20 for a beer and flirt with pretty cart girls that laugh at you when they pull away….. and enjoy those lady golfers… they always look like bull dikes… disc golf ladies are usually pretty college girls… hell my favorite course IS ON THE LOCAL COLLEGE CAMPUS… ” WE DONT WANT YOUR KIND ON OUR DISCGOLF COURSES….
8 years ago at 10:40 pmWell as it stands, The Olympic committee, and basically every civilized country in the world accepts it as a sport. Did you happen to throw a “Disc” 400+ feet your first time out? Was it too easy for you? Or could you barely chuck it 50 feet? More than likely the latter. These country clubs you speak of, bunch of xenophobic white people who looked at a clean and beautiful parcel of land that they decided to tear out and sod over everything. Biggest waste of space on the planet has to be ball golf courses. You catch a Frisbee, a “Disc Golf” driver thrown correctly would break your hand if you tried to catch it. Just because you don’t know how to do something well doesn’t give you license to bash it. Sounds like you should just bitch at your boss and those people for not being clear about what they were doing. Again, the game is played the same as golf, requires the same amount of skill and much less alteration to the terrain. Also, the game was founded in the 1970s, and versions date back thousands of years ago. (much like that stick and ball game you speak so fondly of.)
8 years ago at 11:33 pmDisc golf does not require close to the same amount of skill get the fuck out of here.
8 years ago at 3:56 pmhmmm. how is it different to golf? it shares too many similarities and precisely the same concept as golf. the object of the game is exactly the same. i used to play a lot of stick golf but now only disc golf. it is a much better game, way more fun, better for the planet (less chemicals used on the land) and as said before the object is exactly the same – play as little golf as possible. it is also more physical, being more difficult to get a disc to fly a long way than to hit a ball a long way. it is very dynamic. it is fine if you don’t like it but to slag it off like this is unnecessary to say the least. the one thing lacking in DG is the amount of snobbish, better than thou cohiba smoking privileged twats that you find in the stick and ball scene, so it is definitely more down to earth. and why did you assume you were going to a country club to play golf, surely you know assumption is the mother of all fuck ups, a smart guy like you.
8 years ago at 11:35 pmWe all need to laugh more at ourselves. Yet, I gotta admit, articles like this, can get my dander up. Let me be clear up front: #1. I’m also a fraternity alum, so I know real Frat Moves. #2. Like tens of thousands other ‘Merican’s’, I live to: love my family, work when I must, and play disc golf as often as I can, so I don’t feel the need to hunt, skin and wear people who piss me off,( like blog writers) as boots. #3. I’m a studio camera operator, so I agree, after meeting him twice: Skip Bayless is a total douche.
Back to your Disc Golf smear: I found it as my FB friends were lampooning it.
So, being butt hurt, I had to look up ‘TotalFratMove.com’ to begin that ‘hunt” for the article’s authors, and, well, I need new boots. It took 20:00 of my life I’ll never get back, to find any article worth reading. Your entire blog is ‘so freshman’, when you poke the bear at University of Michigan, but you don’t really get the Big Ten rivalies. It reminds me of Judy Tzuke, the warm-up act I saw before Elton John blew the Assembly Hall’s roof off in ’82. Tzuke sings this great anthem, that TFM should adopt as a theme song. It’s titled, “I Bet you Drive a Sports Car”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWi4JjBpMAQ.
Reading TotalFratMove blog reminds me of a thrashed sophomore rhet’ notebook, covered in vomit and filled with 2-3 short paragraph stories of failed home work assignments, all infused with frat boy verbal diarrhea. I couldn’t decide if the authors are actual alums, (which is doubtful, considering their inability to write anything but a run-on sentence), perhaps they were de-pledged (tossed out because they were bigger drunk asshats than anyone else in the frat), or hell, maybe I drank with them after they were banished from the U of Illinois’s Delta Tau Delta, back in ’81. http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20078728,00.html But really, No, I think no frat would have you, because your blog name is a sham.
Not even Evan’s Scholars, (a lesser minion of fraternal shame), who activates only golf caddies, would pledge purported “Siblings of Mark” doucherags. Drunk seniors would black-ball you, unless your court ordered DNA test proved you are indeed a ‘Walberg legacy’ and then, only if you could ‘spot-on’ recite, every Rodney Dangefield line from Caddyshack. To summarize, It’s called Disc Golf, not Frisbee Golf. You ‘Siblings of Mark Walberg’, ( probably from the shallow end of that gene pool), are best described in your own words, ” I get it. We’re in a hot take society more interested in clicks than content. Shit, half my articles start with “Fuck you;” clearly I’m embracing it. From ‘F-you-and-goodbye-skip-bayless”
8 years ago at 1:38 pmCommon misconceptions about disc golf, that disc golfers think are true.
1. “Disc Golf is less harmful to the environment”.
False: It creates massive amounts of foot traffic that causes surfaces that are easily erodible. Thus, any rain event takes all sediment and other materials downhill towards water bodies.
Also, wooded courses have trees correct? Well, trees can only survive so much damage to their bark before the tree dies, never mind the assholes that vandalize and make courses easier through clearing of vegetation.
Ultimately you are altering wildlife habitat and further fragmenting habitat as well. Most golf courses have to pay for implementation of the course through various ways…
Golf course water is typically always treated before reintroduction to the water table, never treated for in disc golf before getting to the water bodies they contribute to. Typically the water bodies that “chemicals” used to treat golf courses are fed into lined water bodies on course and treated.
Golf courses pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to acquire large tracts of land for conservation use…. Poor hippies can’t afford that so, they in turn go after the conservation lands to build disc courses on!
Lastly most golf courses have clean up crews, disc golf courses are littered with trash, cigarettes and empty beer bottles, slobs.
8 years ago at 3:55 pm1. Vegetation: Ball golf courses are created by razing the land first then building from there. Disc golf courses keep 90%+ of the natural vegetation.
2. Erosion: The dirt spots due to foot traffic are minor and most erosion is from already existing dirt spots next to streams or under thick cover
3. Water Bodies: Almost all disc golf water bodies are streams or rivers and there is no need to treat them as disc golfers don’t dump massive amounts of chemicals on the courses.
4. Chemicals: Ball golf courses use literally tons while disc golf courses stay natural.
5. Conservatism: Most ball golf courses were established before the EPA had any real power, so again tell us how they conserve anything after razing the land, building a false habitat and bathing the land in chemicals. Disc golf courses conserve almost all the natural habitat.
6: Trash: Plenty of cleanup goes on at the disc golf course by club members… for free.
8 years ago at 9:00 pmI can clearly imagine how terribly bad you must have been at it to get so upset.
Posting a hissy fit and comparing it to corn hole or basketball is laughable. You were in fact playing golf, my man except with different instruments. Scoring is the same, etiquette is the same. Similar mental game. The biggest difference is that it is not as saturated with bro’s, chodes, and frat boy yuppies as traditional ‘ball’ golf courses are.
I can totally see where it would be disappointing to get ‘honey dicked’, I’ll give you that, however watching you show up with your pink collard shirt and your shades resting on your hat all mad because you couldn’t figure out how to make the disc not hook so hard …that would have been funnier than what you were going for in your article.
It’s safe to say this is a mutual agreement. We know your type all too well on the course. You only get in the way and leave bud ice cans on the ground for us to pick up after. Stick to playing with your balls.
8 years ago at 1:03 pmDo you even know the definition of golf? DISC golf not Frisbee golf, is one of the fastest growing sports in the world. Pros in this sport have already accomplished more than you ever will in your total frat move life. Just because you went out there and sucked, doesn’t mean disc golf is any less of a sport than traditional golf. So do is a favor and stay off the disc golf course. It is people like you that give the sport a bad rep.
8 years ago at 10:22 am