gewd playces fur pusy

Ruger_Dern12 years ago

Editor’s Note: This column is one of the most absurd things we’ve ever received, but it was too weird and good not to post.

hi guiz mi naem iz ruger_dern n i em guna tel u bowt sum gewd playces 2 get pusy n plaeces wear u woe’nt fynd pusy wyle u r hoem dis sumer:

teh beech;

y: teh beech iz a grate spot 2 fynd kwality pusy , n teh bichs der r preti much allredey neked. [i stil du nawt get y dey r kewl wit u ceeing dem in a bekeenie , but dey freek owt wen i watsh dem in dere underware frum teh kloset, stewpid slets}

how 2 du et: it iz sewper eezy u idiuts , jus burie urself in teh sand n stay stil! if u du nawt mewv dey wil tink u r nawt dere n sit dowen on ur faec! i du dis alut n wen teh girlz reeleyes i em dere dey r lyk “lul ruger_dern u r sneeky!” n i jus sey “shut uhp n suk mi dik” n tey du bcuz i em nawt becon.

a parc:

y: biches go 2 teh pac 4 alut uf reesons , lyk 2 taek a wahlk , 2 haev a picknick , ore 2 playe hopsketch. but studees i rite haev shewn teh leeding reeson wimen go 2 teh parc is 2 get dik.

how 2 du et: dis won reekwires alut uf confedance , teh furst ting u kneed 2 dew iz fynd a parc bentch n sit dere. w8 4 a bich 2 cum by n luk @ u, wen dey dew dis et iz a byologicul sine dat dey wunt 2 c ur peenus. maek small talch, maybee cumplimeant wut dey r wareing or sum shet, ef dey stahp 2 telk, awfer 2 sho ur dik wimen wil sey yes lyk 85 pursent uf teh tiem bcuz alut uf dem r slets. ulso, ef u r haevin trubel giting atentshun thro a rok @ teh wimen u wunt, dey wil luk.

howse partehs:

y: bcuz @ a howse parteh evry1 iz guna b drank frum adult soduh. wen peepel r drank dey r moar lykely 2 fuk ur peenus , espushely becon.

how 2 du et: b4 u go 2 a parteh, pul up a list uf ur favret porn nd bufher a few vidz on ur fone [persunali i lyk sput porn , i reelie njoy wen gurlz sput on meh}. nao, go 2 the parteh n haev sum drenks , keep drenkin alut, (u no u wil b redy to talk 2 gurlz wen u feel lyk u r goin 2 vumit, dat iz ur bawdies naturelle wey uf seyin “hey ruger_dern, u haev 2 much sumen in u, plz go put sum in a vujyna”] nao u wil go up 2 wutevr gurl u wunt n pul up teh porn n sey teh foloing frayze: “i wunt u 2 dew dis 2 mi kok’ but b cairful, aftr dey c teh porn teh flore wil b wet frum dere pusy joose bcuz dey r xsited.

bad playces 4 pusy:

owter spuss,

y et iz bad: u kunt uze teh classick frat lyn “wunt 2 cum upstares n c my harmunica?’ bcuz u r stuk in fukin owter spuss ! getin a gurl hoem frum owter spuss iz lyk 3tiems wurs den trieing 2 manetane teh mewd on a lawng walk bak frum teh bar wit ur bich. ulso, if u deeside “fuk it #yolo” n jus fuk in owter spuss ur sumen wil flowet evryware n git on al ur shet wen u r dun. #ew.

a vallcane-o

y et iz bad: cuntrary 2 populer beleef vallcane-os r terrabull playces 2 fynd pusy. teh big kokblok abowt dem iz if u git lawva on u et kan rewin ur cloweths n u kan ulso dye. teh onli tiem u shood bring ur bich heer iz ef she iz beeing a rachet bich n wunts 2 maek it “faysbuk uffishul’. ruger_derns dik iz 2 big 4 onli won bich.

dat abowt sums et al up guis, mi adderull iz warein off n i reely need 2 maek pewps bad. i hoep dis helpz u guis get nee-depp in sum pusy , or buthoel ef u r becon.

k
bi ruger_dern