GOP Candidate Pros and Cons
So the GOP debate is tonight. You picked anyone yet? I hear the Vegas over/under on the number of times Ron Paul gets cut off by a moderator is 7.8. To help everyone understand this year’s crop of candidates, here’s a breakdown of their pros and cons.
Rick Perry
Pros: Texan. Has a signature handgun modeled after the one he used to kill a coyote while he was out jogging.
Cons: We don’t even know if he’s fucking running.
Jon Huntsman Jr.
Pros: Ambassador to China. Used to be in a rock band.
Cons: He’s a Mormon. Mormons creep me out.
Tim Pawlenty
Pros: I haven’t heard anything bad about him?
Cons: Cornbread is more entertaining to listen to than him.
Michelle Bachman
Pro: Super hot. Her crazy eyes say “I will go nuts on your dick.”
Cons: She’s absolutely batshit crazy and completely inarticulate. But you know…tits.
Mitt Romney
Pros: Executive experience. Good speaking skills. Solid charisma. Great genes.
Cons: Healthcare background and/or Mormonism.
Ron Paul
Pros: Consistency of views. Loves to party (probably). Is good at lecturing about Austrian economics.
Cons: No one takes him seriously. Is good at lecturing about Austrian economics.
Newt Gingrich
Pros: Strong moral views.
Cons: Lifestyle completely negates strong moral views.
Herman Cain
Pros: Business experience. Connections with Little Caesar’s (we can drop the deficit by serving discounted pizzas at all White House functions).
Cons: I’m not entirely sure I’ve ever heard him directly answer a question.
Rick Santorum
Pros: Um…he authored the National Weather Service Duties Act of 2005?
Cons: Every answer he’s ever given sounds like it came from a “So You Wanna Be a Republican” brochure.
I suppose we’ll know more once the debate is over and some of the “you’re not the real conservative, I am” dust has settled. Can any of them galvanize a divided party into beating Obama in 2012? Maybe. Hopefully the debate will allow us to drop the less articulate (but infuriatingly popular) candidates once everyone realizes they’re idiots. After that, maybe we can have a candid discussion of what our goals should be.
Join the TFM discussion: Click Here
I wish Pawlenty was more interesting, he has some great things to say
13 years ago at 8:07 pmHere’s a better con for Rick Perry….the man was a democrat until 1989.
13 years ago at 8:24 pmReagan was a Dem initially too until he saw the light
13 years ago at 8:28 pmHe became a Republican after Karl Rove approached him about it.
13 years ago at 8:38 pmIf you’re from the south, you should know that the Democrat Party controlled everything from reconstruction, up until the 80’s. What are considered solidly Republican states, elected Democrats on a consistent basis. Democrats in the south were pretty conservative and tended to support Republicans on national issues. There is no shame in being a Democrat and from the south back in the 80’s, it was the southern thing to do up until recently.
13 years ago at 8:58 pmYou’re right up until the 60’s and all that civil rights stuff happened and the South switched
13 years ago at 10:39 pmHerman Cain and Bachman are both lunatics, I pray to God neither of them get far in this race. I hope Perry finally gets in this race so it’s between him and Huntsman.
As for Santorum… http://spreadingsantorum.com/
13 years ago at 8:25 pmCompletely agree.
13 years ago at 12:00 pmHaving strong moral views and having a lifestyle that completely negates those views should both belong in the Pros section.
13 years ago at 8:32 pm^ This
13 years ago at 10:08 amMinor correction Cain was CEO of Godfathers not Littler Caesar’s
13 years ago at 8:40 pmWhile I’d love to see Herman Cain run, it would make the left’s attack almost too easy. They’d simply tell the American public that the only reason Cain got the nom was because he’s black, like Obama. I love the guy, but he wouldn’t unseat Obama. Huntsman, Mitt, or Paul would have a good shot.
My personal choice for President would be Allen West, a representative from Florida. He is as rock solid of a conservative as you can get. He speaks eloquently and attacks Obama regularly (look up Allen West’s birthday letter to Obama. It’s short but sweet.) He’s black, but wouldn’t be as vulnerable as Herman Cain because West has spoken at Tea Party rallies and appeals to the voter base because of what he says, not how he looks. In the meantime, Romney/Paul 2012?
13 years ago at 9:54 pmIf you want an Ideal leader, you have to elect an idealist. RonPaul2012
13 years ago at 10:27 pmRon Paul is the only real conservative and probably the only principled person on that list.
13 years ago at 10:41 pmActually he’s a libertarian.
13 years ago at 6:33 am^ look up what a real conservative is lieutenant, not what bullshit media says “conservatism” is today. Paul is a true conservative.
13 years ago at 8:28 amPawlenty is smart but boring as hell; a Mormon won’t win (22% say they won’t vote for one in Gallup poll); Paul comes off batshit crazy half the time; Ron Johnson never got enough air time despite being a younger, saner version of Ron Paul; Santorum comes off smug in debates (maybe that’s just me) and has no credibility in fiscal matters, as he simply toe’d the Republican line during “big government conservative” days in the mid-2000’s; Bachmann is batshit crazy; Gingrich is past his prime and has too many personal demons; many people won’t vote for another Gov. from Texas for the same reason Jeb Bush had no chance despite his great qualifications; and Cain has no political experience.
Which is why I say its time to draft Paul Ryan, I know its a fools dream, but given the current field, its all a realist can do.
13 years ago at 10:49 pmJeb was the gov. of Florida. Get your facts straight.
13 years ago at 11:25 pmHe was saying no one will vote for Perry, a governor of Texas, for the same reason no one will vote for Jeb..fear of another George W term.
13 years ago at 8:42 amIt didn’t come fratural right there, did it?
13 years ago at 9:13 amNo Cain nor female. Sorry, but we all see what the that did to us the last time we made that fucking mistake putting something like that in D.C. No one cares about Mormons nor gives a shit about Austrain economics, and we need someone that has morals. That about narrows it down quite a bit for me.
13 years ago at 11:08 pma Kappa Sig you say? I, for one, am shocked. You speak so eloquently and informed.
13 years ago at 10:38 am