GOP Candidate Pros and Cons
So the GOP debate is tonight. You picked anyone yet? I hear the Vegas over/under on the number of times Ron Paul gets cut off by a moderator is 7.8. To help everyone understand this year’s crop of candidates, here’s a breakdown of their pros and cons.
Rick Perry
Pros: Texan. Has a signature handgun modeled after the one he used to kill a coyote while he was out jogging.
Cons: We don’t even know if he’s fucking running.
Jon Huntsman Jr.
Pros: Ambassador to China. Used to be in a rock band.
Cons: He’s a Mormon. Mormons creep me out.
Tim Pawlenty
Pros: I haven’t heard anything bad about him?
Cons: Cornbread is more entertaining to listen to than him.
Michelle Bachman
Pro: Super hot. Her crazy eyes say “I will go nuts on your dick.”
Cons: She’s absolutely batshit crazy and completely inarticulate. But you know…tits.
Mitt Romney
Pros: Executive experience. Good speaking skills. Solid charisma. Great genes.
Cons: Healthcare background and/or Mormonism.
Ron Paul
Pros: Consistency of views. Loves to party (probably). Is good at lecturing about Austrian economics.
Cons: No one takes him seriously. Is good at lecturing about Austrian economics.
Newt Gingrich
Pros: Strong moral views.
Cons: Lifestyle completely negates strong moral views.
Herman Cain
Pros: Business experience. Connections with Little Caesar’s (we can drop the deficit by serving discounted pizzas at all White House functions).
Cons: I’m not entirely sure I’ve ever heard him directly answer a question.
Rick Santorum
Pros: Um…he authored the National Weather Service Duties Act of 2005?
Cons: Every answer he’s ever given sounds like it came from a “So You Wanna Be a Republican” brochure.
I suppose we’ll know more once the debate is over and some of the “you’re not the real conservative, I am” dust has settled. Can any of them galvanize a divided party into beating Obama in 2012? Maybe. Hopefully the debate will allow us to drop the less articulate (but infuriatingly popular) candidates once everyone realizes they’re idiots. After that, maybe we can have a candid discussion of what our goals should be.
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Hell I won’t vote for John Huntsman Jr just because he’s a Sigma Chi like me. I didn’t vote for Bill Haslam in the governor primarys in Tennessee either. My fraternity’s founding put principle in front of loyalty. I’m Ron Paul all the way. If all these people who say I love Ron Paul, but he stands no chance, would actually vote for him. Then he will have more than a chance, he will win. Vote for the person who you like the most, don’t base it on anything else.
13 years ago at 1:11 amyeah, everyone says he has a chance and won’t vote for the dark horse, then the dark horse doesn’t have a chance.
Paul Johnson 2012
13 years ago at 8:30 amAnother con about Huntsman… He dropped out of high school and has his GED. NF.
13 years ago at 1:28 amBecause he was too busy, planning to be an ambassador to China dumbass
13 years ago at 10:16 pmNewt is underrated…He knows his stuff and has experience and a backbone to call out any nonsense-like he did to Chris Wallace tonight. Santorum knows his stuff too, but let’s face it–not gonna happen. Romney is a great candidate, and though he may be Mormon, he would still be a great leader. Bachmann is nuts–she has some good points and seems fairly well-educated on the issues, but I would say that she has other motives for campaigning…just saying (since she definitely won’t win). Cain is alright…but thinks that EVERYTHING is based on economics, and it simply is not. Ron Paul is off on foreign policy, namely the Middle East, and though I love him as a person—not doing it for me as a Pres. Pawlenty-poor taste and ill sense of humor for something serious is all he has to say. Definitely doesn’t cut it. Huntsman doesn’t have a lot to say that will really do anything. Perry definitely has potential…though he’s ‘not official’ yet. Palin should stay out. And same with Giuliani.
Bottom line: Romney, Gingrich, and Perry for sure. Bachmann and Santorum on standby. All others-out.
13 years ago at 1:40 amBeing a mormon and in a fraternity (yes, it exists and my chapter is still crazy – I just don’t drink and my hazing was really creative) I can say with confidence that being a mormon really should not carry any weight against Romney or Huntsman. Additionally, I’ll tell you I know both Romney and Huntsman extremely well.
My father co-founded Bain Capital with Romney and now Huntsman’s dad is my dad’s partner at their new PE firm. They are both good candidates you should seriously consider. Personally I don’t think Huntsman is conservative enough so I’m going Romney all the way.
CONCERNING MORMONS — check out this BusinessWeek article that featured why we are some of the most successful people in the world: “God’s MBAs: Why Mormon Missions Produce Leaders” — http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/11_25/b4233058977933.htm
13 years ago at 5:54 amInteresting. I will check that out. Having said that, I don’t think you should post that much personal information on what is supposed to be an anonymous website. If any of that is true, I can found out everything I need to know about you. What I would do with that I can’t really say because I am not a sadistic fuck–but sadistic fucks are out there and they are creative enough to mess your shit up with only small pieces of information.
13 years ago at 9:13 amHerman Cain was the CEO of Godfather’s Pizza, not Little Caesar’s.
13 years ago at 7:41 amMike Ilitch. FaF.
13 years ago at 4:16 pmRick Perry 2012. already bought the shirt and bumper sticker.
13 years ago at 8:26 amYes!
13 years ago at 12:02 pmRon is the only guy who isn’t completely full of shit.
13 years ago at 9:09 amThis article is garbage. Herman is the CEO of Godfathers Pizza. This article doesn’t even go into each candidates beliefs. Hey this guy looks like he has good genes…let’s vote for him! Retarded.
13 years ago at 9:38 amYou know who really needs to be President? Fuckin Stormin Norman Schwarzkopf!!!
13 years ago at 9:49 amIm a democrat but i also dont wanna be fending off zombie looters looking to steal my raccoon noses (the way things are going coon noses will be the official us currency by 2015) and pillage my valuable stash of rusty railroad ties. so i wouldnt mind if Republican came into to the oval office and returned the country its capitalism back bone. As a Dem Bachmann scares the shit out of me and she should be even more frightening to sensical republicans out there, she isnt electable, she would rather pass zero legislation than good legislation because thats her “principle”. government bad. BAD…so thats the Bachster.
13 years ago at 10:36 amPerry I think could do pretty well but i have my doubts about him as well, everyones on his dick right now because of the jobs numbers in Texas but, once dug a little deeper, people will see those have askerisks. Not every state boast a bevy of oil leases, operating wells, and corps. based out of their state. But still,the guy would do a pretty decent job i think. He comes off as an asshole, and im an asshole so i know that assholes succeed.
If Chris Cristie was runnning it would be ball game, hes the future of the GOP id be happy to see him in office, BUT unfortunately guys these are the cards you (really we) have been dealt.
^Dem. NF.
13 years ago at 12:19 pmRick Perry is an asshole. He spoke a my high school’s graduation three or four years ago and I’ve never wanted to punch a public figure as much as I did that man. Most of the Republicans I’ve met around Central Texas can’t stand Perry he’s just always the lesser of the two evils when election time comes around (not to mention not even half the state participates in the election so getting 60% of the votes isn’t that impressive when only 10% of the state voted in the first place.)
That being said, if Perry gets elected, I’m moving to New Zealand.
13 years ago at 5:26 pm