Gronk’s Porn Star Friend Retires With Emotional Video

Blackball Bill13 years ago

After climbing to the top of the adult film industry, 20-year-old Bibi Jones is retiring. Yesterday, via twitter and YouTube, the self-proclaimed “major super slut” announced that she has been unhappy with herself for some time, and after reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle she has decided to turn over a new leaf.

It turns out Bibi’s real name is Britney Maclin, and she’s tired of hurting her family by letting the world watch her get stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey. She even changed her twitter handle to @Britney_Maclin as part of her recent transformation, and wrote “Starting a new chapter in my life” as her bio. Who knew porn stars read self help books, and how funny is it that she felt inclined to notify viewers that it took her a “couple months” to read the book, but not because she’s a slow reader? I wasn’t judging. I imagine it’s really fucking difficult to read a book with several oversized penises being thwacked in your face.

All things considered, something tells me she’s pulling a Michael Jordan, or Jay-Z, and this isn’t the end. I’ve personally seen this girl get rammed by over 20 individual dongs, and she’s only 20 years old. There’s no coming back from that. What morally conscious industry would even consider hiring her? I felt like she was somehow attempting to suck my dick through the computer screen during 75% of her teary retirement video for fuck’s sake. But, as Britney says, “Everyone knows that porn doesn’t last forever and family is number one.” That’s why I’d like to offer her a position as my secretary at TFM Headquarters, because family is number one.

Last NFL season, Bibi became the most searched for porn star in the world after tweeting pictures of her with Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski. To see her naked, or having multiple holes filled, search “Bibi Jones” on Google.