Hot Blonde Reporting On The MLB Playoffs Is Stealing The Show
Through the first two weeks of the MLB playoffs, there has been some hot action. Jake Arrieta did Jake Arrieta things against the Pirates. Joey Bats hit a ball so far that it warranted the greatest bat flip in the history of bat flips. The Astros and Rangers got jinxed by their own state governor, Greg Abbott. And one team will finally break their long streak without a World Series. So yeah, the 2015 MLB playoffs has been must-see TV.
While my eyes were glued to MLB Network over the weekend, something hit me hard. I was mesmerized by a beautiful new sight. It wasn’t a bat flip, a moonshot, or even a bench-clearing brawl. No, in fact, what caught my eye was a little blonde number reporting on the ALDS and ALCS. She stopped me dead in my tracks. I never saw her coming.
There she was, interviewing some members of the Blue Jays. Her peacoat fit snuggly around her petite little body. Her hair was in a ponytail as if to say, “I enjoy a little pull from behind.” It was at that moment that I knew my life had a purpose, and that purpose was Heidi Watney.
Notice the way those steely blue eyes just cut right through you — the way they hypnotize you into making bad decisions. God, she’s perfect. She also has a body that just doesn’t quit, and seems to have that whole “career-oriented” mindset — which is an added bonus. Love me a woman with some goals in life.
In addition to being a baseball fan, she’s the cousin of PGA golfer Nick Watney. The athletic genes flow wildly in her family as her brother played collegiate golf, her sister played collegiate volleyball, and she herself was a gymnast and cheerleader.
Typically, I would go about this in a more professional manner, fire out a “thanks for bringing the fire pics” DM back at her and go about my business, but I can’t bite my tongue on this one. I’m straight up in love with this babe.
Heidi, don’t let your marriage get in the way of rational thinking. When you’re ready, let’s settle down somewhere in North Texas in a gated private country club community or Highland park, raise two kids who turn into all-stars — one who pitches, one who plays second — and enjoy all that the #BurbLife has to offer. You won’t regret it..
I’d run through her like first base
9 years ago at 6:09 amWould cordially invite her to do butt stuff
9 years ago at 6:16 amI’d like to break her in like a new catchers mitt.
9 years ago at 6:28 amShe is the only reason I would watch baseball and even that is a stretch. You know the sport is dying when TBS is the “major network” airing the playoffs to the game.
9 years ago at 6:55 amBy that logic, March Madness and the NBA are dying as well. Seems legit.
9 years ago at 8:18 amYou should probably let MLB know that they should give back the $2.8 billion Turner paid them since the sport is “dying.” While you’re at it, let them also know that TBS isn’t a “major network.”
9 years ago at 10:56 amWhatever happened to the Morning Bump? Seems to have joined Dorn’s Clothing Reviews (read: Blatant Advertisements) in the TFM Dumpster.
9 years ago at 7:06 amShe doesn’t seem like the parkie type
9 years ago at 7:27 amIf we ever met, I’d probably get thrown out trying to steal second base.
9 years ago at 7:43 amI would get us 2 pumpkin spiced lattes, some flannel PJs, and cuddle her so hard while watching Netflixs on the couch.
9 years ago at 8:47 amI’m no pitcher, but I’d sure love to crowd her box.
9 years ago at 11:06 amLook up Lauren Shehadi on MLB network. You’re welcome.
9 years ago at 11:17 am