How To Justify Your Subpar GPA To Potential Employers

Dent7 years ago

Like many college students, procrastination — while an active habit — has never amounted to much of a problem at the end of the day. The extent of my future planning has always been to follow the old Chinese proverb, “Shit will work out.” So when I looked at the calendar and realized that there is less than two months of school left before graduation, I was only slightly concerned about the fact that I have zero job prospects. Nevertheless, I decided maybe it was time to take a glimpse at what is out there for a hustler that’s underprepared but foolishly overconfident.

Sadly, I’ve run into a bit of an issue. Apparently, when you’re on the hunt for a “real job,” they actually care about your college GPA. That doesn’t seem fair. The truth is less than ideal and it’s not exactly prudent to lie. I can’t win, man.

Are hiring managers understanding enough to handle the truth? Fuck no. They wouldn’t even let this clown get his foot in the door for an interview. Sorry you’ve never had an ounce of fun in your life, Kevin. Manager of a regional manufacturing corporation? I hope those long nights in the library were worth it to be living this lavish lifestyle. Is that your Hyundai Genesis right outside? Look at this big baller over here. Bashing your future boss to his face is definitely a good interview tactic.

So it seems I’ll have to put a little spin on the truth to justify my incompetence.

“Yeah, I had a 2.7, but I did do way better in the classes for my major.”

“What is way better?” they will undoubtedly ask.

“Uhhh…just a smidge under 3.0.”

I’m not trying to bash those who did take the time to do well in college. Kudos to them. I’m just frustrated because I was too busy prioritizing other things to study for a test. Skipping class to get a halfhearted handy from my lady who is too distracted watching Orange Is The New Black, spontaneously hitting the bars in the middle of the week for $2 liquor pitchers, and just shooting the shit with the guys is how I choose to spend the better part of my higher education. Lost somewhere deep in my brain was the mechanism to be able to balance all of these things and school. Forced to choose, I made the right decision — at least in my mind. I can’t be the only one, right?

These are the memories I will have for a lifetime. If having to search a little bit longer for the right job is the bed I’ve made, I’ll gladly lay in it. People like Kevin aren’t any more talented or special than me. I just took a different path to learn. Instead of reading about supply and demand from a book or powerpoint presentation, I learned from my Adderall guy Donny. Instead of handwriting out accounting equations, I learned to delegate that to a pledge every semester. That’s called leadership, sir and or ma’am.

Whatever happens between now and January, I will persevere. Because as the ol’ proverb says, “Shit always works out.” And let us not forget that I have the greatest resume booster of all: Internet blogger. .

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