I Just Met You, and This is Crazy, But I Hacked Your Phone and Stole Naked Pictures
12 years ago

There are real, confirmed naked pictures of Carly Rae Jepsen that have yet to be released, but they’re out there… excuse me.

(*20 Minutes Later*)

Sorry, I had to run home real quick and change my pants, the front of which I just blew a shotgun-esque load through. Now where was I? Right, there are naked pictures of Carly Rae Jepsen that may soon surface…

(*Another 20 Minutes Later*)

I just ruined my keyboard and had to get another one. Not from jizzing on it. My load, which looked like it came from a chaste woolly mammoth, actually shot all the way up to the ceiling and the subsequent dripping ruined the keyboard. I told the intern to clean it up but he started crying and ran off.

So, anyway, now that I’m confident that I have no more seed to spill all over the TFM offices, there are naked pictures of Carly Rae Jepsen and alkshgioerpsaiorbnpsgqoieraghjipeoah…

OH GOD MY DICK IS DRY HEAVING! IT HURTS SO BAD! MY LEFT TESTICLE JUST IMPLODED! LEFTYYY! NOOOOOO!!!! JUST READ THIS FOX NEWS STORY ABOUT HOW THERE ARE NAKED PICTURES OF CARLY RAE JEPSENNAHAHAAAHAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

***UPDATE***

I know Dorn already covered this, but I’m not NOT writing about Carly Rae Jepsen’s naked pict…

(*too much blood rushes to penis, passes out*)

[h/t to reader frat in a can]

  7. colonial ft soldier

    Bacon, you’re the one who hacked her phone for the pics. You sly dog you.

    12 years ago at 3:46 pm
  9. Fratmiral Nelson

    Carly Rae Jepsen… she’s famous, but honestly nothin to write home about. Would much rather get some naked texts from any of the TFM Sweethearts…

    12 years ago at 3:57 pm
    2. TotalFratBro

      They keep mentioning her nude photos, but the gossip sites don’t give a legitimate link to any nude pictures. that is the relevance…

      How is that a difficult concept?

      12 years ago at 1:14 am
    3. HarpoonCollector

      They haven’t been released and they were illegally obtained… so don’t hold your breath.

      12 years ago at 12:07 pm
  11. rollinghills_bro

    who the f*** is carly rae jepsen? honestly (other than watching some sad blurry bj video), does everyone here spend like almost every non-drinking hour watching tv or googling here…what, they do? well shit, wiki be my friend…

    12 years ago at 4:06 pm
    1. rollinghills_bro

      okay wiki’d…

      She’s Canadian?

      I’m too busy listening to ‘Stranglehold’ and Ted Nugent. TFTC

      12 years ago at 4:13 pm
    3. TotalFratBro

      Like.. nice try dude. like. you know who carly rae jepsen is… wiki…like…

      12 years ago at 1:16 am