Introducing The Tampon Flask, Used To Sneak Booze Into Ball Games
I won’t lie to you, when I first read this headline, my immediate thought was I can’t believe someone made a product that enables women to stick vials of alcohol up inside their vaginas to sneak into ball games.
Similar to the Freedom Flask, this is the female version of crotchal alcohol concealing. Except this one is way more over-the-top, because the Freedom Flask just acts as a man’s penis. The tampon flask actually goes all up inside the vagina. Then I thought, no fucking way.
Because A) that’s excessive. I mean, are there women out there that are really willing to go this far for some mid-game booze? B) How are you going to find a girl that is not only willing to conceal your alcohol up her vagina for you, but is also cool enough that you’d want to sit with her during a football game? C) She’s gonna have to wear a skirt, right? It’s too risky to just drop trou in front of countless watchful eyes to squirt some bourbon out of her vagina. Plus, it’ll look like she’s pissing in your Coke. That’s not a good look. And D) That shit’s pretty nasty.
It turns out my initial thoughts regarding the tampon flask were pretty dumb. Why would a chick stick a flask up her most holiest of holes when all she has to do is stick it inside a tampon wrapper? Because there is no reason for a gate checker person to investigate some tampons, right?
So yeah, that’s what they are — tampon-shaped plastic flasks that fit inside tampon wrappers, then they just go inside a purse.
Genius. American ingenuity on full display.
[via Sports Illustrated]
Dodged a bullet there.
12 years ago at 4:50 pmHas anyone tried a Camelbak under a shirt?
12 years ago at 4:50 pmIt’s not a bad idea, but if they pat you down you’re probably screwed. I hear some places have even started checking boots for flasks.
12 years ago at 4:52 pmPerfect for those gameday Bloody Marys.
12 years ago at 4:51 pm^I see what you did there
12 years ago at 4:56 pmI just threw up in my mouth a bit.
12 years ago at 5:00 pmGet your red wings while drinking. Interesting.
12 years ago at 5:07 pmHaha i laughed out loud in the middle of class
12 years ago at 6:16 pm^While wearing sperrys?
12 years ago at 2:36 am^Yes actually
12 years ago at 1:21 pm
12 years ago at 12:20 amhttp://assets0.ordienetworks.com/images/GifGuide/clapping/wethot.gif
12 years ago at 9:50 amTampon flasks: making every woman a squirter since 2013
12 years ago at 4:54 pmI hope Pike doesn’t find out about these, this could take buttchugging to a whole new level.
12 years ago at 4:54 pmDamn you, Channel 4 News Team
12 years ago at 11:34 pmActually, we’ve known about it for years now…
12 years ago at 7:42 am^this made me laugh so hard I spilled my pre-workout
12 years ago at 10:15 am^^ got em
12 years ago at 12:30 pmAlso, I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s the MOST holy of holes…
12 years ago at 5:00 pmIt’s what everyone else would say.
12 years ago at 10:16 am^Not me.
12 years ago at 11:04 am^Strong username to post content ratio
12 years ago at 2:57 pmHello alcohol poisoning if that breaks while inside her.
12 years ago at 5:02 pmI’m no plastic scientist, so unless her vag is juicing as much as The Rock, she probably doesn’t have to worry about durability.
12 years ago at 7:16 pmPlastic scientist? What you make fleshlights? I’d say the proper term would be gynecologist.
12 years ago at 2:38 amThat was a hell of a write up just to show us some tubes you put alcohol into.
12 years ago at 5:02 pmI have two go to flasks. A oversized Belt bucket that is a flask that will just snap off any normal belt that ill then just put in a pocket. And a tie flask. The tie basically has a Camelback like pouch inside of it.
12 years ago at 5:08 pmI got a flask tie last week. Definitely ready to try it out
12 years ago at 5:25 pmMy buddy and I got flask ties for New Years last year. I gotta say, they work well, and they’re not too shabby looking, either.
12 years ago at 5:53 pmThat’s the shit I do like.
12 years ago at 5:16 pm