Introducing The Tampon Flask, Used To Sneak Booze Into Ball Games
I won’t lie to you, when I first read this headline, my immediate thought was I can’t believe someone made a product that enables women to stick vials of alcohol up inside their vaginas to sneak into ball games.
Similar to the Freedom Flask, this is the female version of crotchal alcohol concealing. Except this one is way more over-the-top, because the Freedom Flask just acts as a man’s penis. The tampon flask actually goes all up inside the vagina. Then I thought, no fucking way.
Because A) that’s excessive. I mean, are there women out there that are really willing to go this far for some mid-game booze? B) How are you going to find a girl that is not only willing to conceal your alcohol up her vagina for you, but is also cool enough that you’d want to sit with her during a football game? C) She’s gonna have to wear a skirt, right? It’s too risky to just drop trou in front of countless watchful eyes to squirt some bourbon out of her vagina. Plus, it’ll look like she’s pissing in your Coke. That’s not a good look. And D) That shit’s pretty nasty.
It turns out my initial thoughts regarding the tampon flask were pretty dumb. Why would a chick stick a flask up her most holiest of holes when all she has to do is stick it inside a tampon wrapper? Because there is no reason for a gate checker person to investigate some tampons, right?
So yeah, that’s what they are — tampon-shaped plastic flasks that fit inside tampon wrappers, then they just go inside a purse.
Genius. American ingenuity on full display.
[via Sports Illustrated]
Why can’t they just be like normal girls and put them in breast milk bags over their tits?
12 years ago at 5:23 pmYou know I usually just put a flask in each bra cup but that sounds a lot more comfortable. Thanks for the tip.
12 years ago at 5:34 pmWelcome
12 years ago at 10:36 pmBoy if security caught you with these, you’d have to pull some strings to get outta that mess.
12 years ago at 5:34 pm“Pull some strings.” I see what you’re steppin in. Nicely done.
12 years ago at 5:43 pm^Something was done here, but then you fucked it up.
12 years ago at 6:31 pm^
12 years ago at 11:27 pm^^^^ I’m pickin up what you’re puttin down. Well done.
12 years ago at 9:08 pmSo where does one buy a tampon flask??
12 years ago at 5:35 pmYou will have to take like 10 of these things at a time. Way too much effort.
12 years ago at 7:48 pmYeah it really would look weird for some chick to take 10-15 tampons into a game….I’ve heard of heavy flow, but fuck
12 years ago at 2:16 amI could be wrong but I think they are supposed to be smuggled in by purse, not vagina…but I hope Dorn has convinced some dumb bitches to try the latter
12 years ago at 11:29 pmWhat is this, a flask for ants?? Like 3/4 of a shot in each one of those
12 years ago at 2:15 amIt should be at least…3 times as big!
12 years ago at 10:31 amHe’s absolutely right
12 years ago at 2:14 am