How The Hell Did Indiana Delta Chi Just Order Over $1 Million Worth Of Lawn Chairs For $30?

Jared Borislow8 years ago

The Indiana University Delta Chi chapter just took Midwest home improvement superstore Menards motto “Save big money at Menards” to a whole new level.

Earlier today, we received the following email.

Dear TFM:

…

At 1am last night it was brought to our attention via our fraternity’s GroupMe that Menards was having a BLOWOUT SALE on lawn chairs. Someone had found chairs for $0.01……. yes 1 … cent, they are $358 retail. The only downside is that in order to get them for $0.01, we had to purchase them in a Tamara Paisley pattern. The rest of the options had the normal retail price.

One has to wonder why the Tamara Paisley patterned chairs — the ones pictured in the photo above — were so severely discounted when the others were not. Sure, they’re not great, but they’re not that bad. Maybe it’s because people kept accidentally purchasing and subsequently returning them after finding out they weren’t designed by Disney’s Sister, Sister star Tamera Mowry and Menards was tired of dealing with them? Who knows.

Regardless, all that matters is that the IU Delta Chis found lawn chairs for $0.01 that were listed at $358. To put that deal in perspective, it’s the same thing as Menards advertising a “~99.9972% off” sale, or a “buy one, get 35,799 free” sale. And when you’re a bunch of college kids on a budget, you can’t afford not to take them up on that.

So how many of the penny chairs did the IU Delta Chis purchase? 3,000. Yes, as in $1,074,000 worth of lawn chairs. Final sale price after discount? $30. This will go down as one of the all-time great fraternity purchases. I was told by an IU Delta Chi that their treasurer “is going nuts.”

To serve as proof, the Delta Chis sent me receipts for half of their purchase order.

A Delta Chi with whom I spoke told me that his chapter is “skeptical yet hopeful that these orders will be fulfilled,” and that “Menards has yet to email anything other than receipts and confirmation of the orders.”

A few other Delta Chis submitted a couple quotes to TFM using their IU Delta Chi GroupMe names to protect their identities. I feel compelled to remind you here that this is an actual news story, not one of my satire pieces.

“If they don’t sell very well, we will just sit on them and wait until they are in season.” – Brad Paisley

You’ve gotta respect the “paisley” pun.

“I really don’t know why I only bought 1,000. My Dad has a warehouse and said he’s gonna pick them up.” – El Chapo of Chairs

What could have been…

I was also informed that a member of the IU Delta Chi chapter is currently enrolled in L201, “Legal Environment of Business,” and that based on what he’s learned so far this semester, he believes the chapter to be “in the clear” as far as possible future legal proceedings go. Again, this is not satire. This is just a bunch of dudes who want the chairs that are so rightfully theirs.

So what do the Delta Chis plan to do with the chairs should Menards decide to honor their purchase? They’re not sure yet, but told me one option is reselling most of them and donating all proceeds to their philanthropy, the Jimmy V Foundation. So basically, Menards deciding not to honor the Indiana Delta Chis purchase is akin to Menards stealing from charity.

Ball’s in your court, Menards..

Read the latest update to this story HERE