Kim Jong-un Blacked Out, Scolded Military Officials, Called Them Old, Made Them Cry, Was Pleased

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Did he do it again or did he do it again? This guy never ceases to amaze me. By the way, this whole admiration thing started out as a semi-joke, but now I legitimately full on love and support Kim Jong-un. Just an amazing man. An inspiration. You have to be willing to look past all the heinous atrocities he’s committed and tragic suffering he’s caused his people, because the man knows how to run a republic. North Korea is a well-oiled machine and Kim Jong is the mechanic.

So Kim Jong-un rips burners and might be an alcoholic, which is noteworthy because I think he’s actually the only person in North Korea allowed to drink or smoke. He’s also the only fat person, on account of the starvation his people must endure. But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

In September, according to a Japanese press report, our boy got blacked out drunk, summoned military officials to his summer villa, scolded them for being shitty at their jobs, made them write letters of apology basically stating how shitty they are at their jobs, made them fear for their lives, woke up confused about why they were at his villa, called them old, made them cry, then was pleased.

That last sentence is a mouthful but it’s also beautiful. Someone plaque it for me.

From UPI:

A Tokyo Shimbun source in North Korea who spoke on the condition of anonymity said Kim was severely drunk in September when he ordered military veterans to write statements of self-criticism or apology.

Kim is reportedly an avid consumer of alcohol. Former Japanese sushi chef Kenji Fujimoto has said Kim once boasted of drinking 10 bottles of expensive Bordeaux wine.

The incident in September took place after Kim summoned elderly military officials to his summer villa to write letters of apology. […]

The Tokyo Shimbun source said Kim engaged in thunderous scolding and forced the officials to stay up all night to write the letters.

But the next morning, Kim appeared to be confused as he asked why the officials were in his villa.

“Why are you gathered here?” Kim allegedly said, in a sign that he did not recall his behavior the previous night.

Kim also said to the military elders, “Be careful about your health because you are all old.”

The officials then reportedly burst into tears and Kim appeared to be satisfied by the reaction, according to the source, who said, “They were relieved because they thought they were going to be purged.”

They thought he was going to have them slaughtered like pigs. Genius.

You show me a military official who stays up all night writing what is essentially their own death sentence only to be spared in the morning, and I’ll show you a military official who doesn’t fuck up anymore. Lesson learned.

Long live Kim Jong-un.

[via UPI]

Image via Shutterstock

  1. InHoc04

    Would Kim Jung Un have gotten rid of forums, Boosh, and Tits? I see why Dorn likes this guy…

    8 years ago at 3:18 pm
    1. PRLbrat

      Kim would have found them entertaining and kept them around to write good articles. Wally would have been fed to the pet Tigers the moment he opened his mouth to speak.

      8 years ago at 5:36 pm
      1. 1_Rugey_Jentelman

        Kim also deletes comments, imprisons foreign boys, and reigns over media. I still see more agreement between the two than discord. Kim Jong Dorn, indeed.

        8 years ago at 7:27 pm
      2. Big Dumb Idiot

        Wally deserves a much slower, more painful death. I would give him the Theon Greyjoy treatment.

        8 years ago at 9:03 pm
  2. Pete_Jones

    I’d love to see what a North Korean military composite looks like. Although I could probably just print out all of the headshots of the extras from Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift for the same effect.

    I’ve learned nothing here. Fuck you Dorn.

    8 years ago at 3:34 pm
    1. Actually you could just take the photo of one guy and duplicate it 50-100 times, depending on how big you want the chapter to be.

      8 years ago at 4:39 pm
      1. 1_Rugey_Jentelman

        NK is definitely one of those shitty, Hofstra-sized outcasts that can’t afford their 22 member composites.

        8 years ago at 7:30 pm
      2. PRLbrat

        The DPRK is one of those chapters that lost their charter 10 years ago but is still undergrounding members, none of which have a college degree.

        8 years ago at 8:33 pm
  3. PRLbrat

    Admires Kim, but fears for this country with Donald Trump as POTUS… What the unholy fuck is happening here on this site???

    8 years ago at 5:30 pm
  4. Canada

    Dorn, you remind me of Dave Skylark from The Interview. The only difference is at the end of The Interview, Skylark stops being shitty at his job.

    8 years ago at 5:41 pm
  5. FL_SouthernFrat

    Why doesn’t someone just beat his little ass and move on with a more enjoyable government to live under?

    8 years ago at 6:38 pm
  6. RisingFratstarOfTX

    The only, ONLY positive that can be taken from the legacy of North Korean dictators is the massive playbook of mindfucks now available to pledge masters.

    8 years ago at 7:26 pm
    1. PRLbrat

      Taking ideas from commie sympathizers is super NF and un-American. If McCarthy was alive today he’d rightfully toss your commie ass in jail.

      8 years ago at 8:29 pm
      1. RisingFratstarOfTX

        Cool, thanks for the input. You can go back to your coloring book now.

        8 years ago at 6:27 am
  7. Big Dumb Idiot

    If you’re supreme chancellor and you aren’t blacking out nightly and ruining people’s self-esteem, what the fuck is the point?

    8 years ago at 9:05 pm