Legendary NFL Quarterback Kyle “The Bottle” Orton Announces Retirement
They say all good things must come to an end, but damn it, Kyle, you’re leaving us way too soon. That’s right, I regret to inform you that Buffalo Bills’ quarterback, Kyle “The Bottle” Orton, has finally called it quits, retiring at the youthful age of 32. He finished his career with 101 touchdowns to only 69 interceptions, but let’s be honest, it was never his highlight reel on the field that made him a fan favorite. Rather, we cherished moments like this:
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That’s our boy packing a massive lip on the sidelines, mid-game, with no regard for human life. Yes, throughout his career, Kyle set unprecedentedly new lows for how many fucks a human being could possibly give.
Kyle Orton is retiring. This will give him much more time to get drunk pic.twitter.com/S1aq7Rd1DZ
— Dirty Sports (@TheDirtySports) December 29, 2014
Kyle Orton is better at picking up chicks at the bar drunk versus being a quarterback pic.twitter.com/sCvLYdVdbd
— Jeff Lange (@digijeff) December 30, 2013
Kyle Orton is gonna get hammered drunk win or lose tonight. Hopefully he wins pic.twitter.com/e0j3Sv1WEK
— Jeremy Homan (@jhoman29) December 30, 2013
Now THIS may be the pic of the day! Victory cigar for Kyle Orton? Via @kjgeorger2 #Bills #BillsMafia pic.twitter.com/6Nkay0BUQO
— john_kucko (@john_kucko) October 6, 2014
“@DrunkOrton: pic.twitter.com/95e92CsAGa” Why does kyle orton look like the drunk uncle at a family party
— yungmortybitch (@2davez) October 2, 2014
Hollywood could not have written a better ending as Orton went out the only way he could, with a win over the Patriots and an Irish exit out of the locker room.
Kyle Orton stopped to grab his wallet around 9:00. Said he was going to a meeting, would talk later. Never came back. pic.twitter.com/8ImJP9ZvOg
— Prescott Rossi (@PrescottRossi) December 29, 2014
He was a journeyman, a facial hair connoisseur, a true man amongst men. Kyle, you were not the quarterback we deserved, but you were the quarterback we needed. You gave guys across the country with overall subpar talent and looks a glimmer of hope in this dark and cold world. For that, you’re a hall of famer in our books. So we say with teary eyes, “Goodnight, sweet prince, and may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.”.
Image via Youtube
Ending your career with 69 interceptions. TFM.
11 years ago at 2:36 pmPike
11 years ago at 2:36 pmI have bad memories of him as a Cowboy.
11 years ago at 2:37 pmI have bad memories of you commenting on every God damn post.
11 years ago at 2:57 pmHey, don’t talk to Jerry like that!
11 years ago at 3:03 pmI don’t get you “You comment too much” guys. Who the fuck are you to tell another man how to enjoy his time off?
11 years ago at 3:09 pmMe either, and its always some goober like this guy who has been here for 10 days telling a 5th year or exec where and how often to comment. Worthless piece of shit needs to learn his place. Go ahead gents, lap my comment too I’ll gladly take em.
11 years ago at 4:04 pmSon I think you’re taking your ranking too seriously. I’ve been exec before it’s no big feat, especially for those who don’t reach it on the forums. Any dickhead can post a gif of tits or RFM’s On the comment section to get this’s from the high school frat stars. Besides if you haven’t been blackballed you ain’t shit, Cedar out.
11 years ago at 4:29 pmEveryone is being upgraded to exec on here I’m fully aware how unimpressive it is, and I didn’t even mention myself. Just agreeing with Jerry, commenting on how much someone else comments is idiotic… especially if you have only been here 10 days.
11 years ago at 4:41 pmThis guy is obviously a bottom- tier scumbag.
11 years ago at 4:11 pmThe fact that he played his entire career with a cumulative hangover speaks volumes about this man’s character.
11 years ago at 2:38 pmRetirement? It sounds like his real career in drinking is just hitting its prime.
11 years ago at 1:01 amThe real life Alex Moran
11 years ago at 2:43 pmHe must’ve loved being in Denver then. There’s gotta be a lot to trickle-down bang off Tim Tebow.
11 years ago at 4:12 pmHere’s to hoping he gets lured out of retirement late in a future season by some team that gets all their quarterbacks injured.
11 years ago at 2:51 pmIt’d be fitting that the Cardinals pick him up pronto and he leads them to a Super Bowl victory. Then retires again.
11 years ago at 3:21 pmAs a Cardinals fan I’d rather have him than Stanton/Lindley. Plus he’s Kyle Fuckin Orton. The man made me root for the Bills for Christs sake.
11 years ago at 1:21 amAnd Manziel made you root for the Aggies, and Jeter made you root for the yankees, and just so happens Lebron made you root for the cavs, then the heat, and now the cavs again. Get the fuck out of here.
11 years ago at 12:07 pmFrom deep down in my stomach, with every inch of me, I pure, straight hate him. But goddammit, do respect him!
11 years ago at 2:56 pmAs a Bears fan, I always thought he got the shaft when Rex Grossman started in the Super Bowl. So long, Kyle.
11 years ago at 3:02 pmI remember seeing him put a lip in on the sideline on live television. He’s the man
11 years ago at 3:11 pmPhi phi brother Orton. Now you have a ridiculous amount of resources to do what you really have always wanted to do: party.
11 years ago at 3:22 pm