List Of Songs CIA Used To Torture Terrorists Proves They’re Undoubtedly The Best Pledge Masters In The World
A list of songs allegedly used by the CIA in its secret interrogation centers is circulating, and I am now able to say, with complete certainty, that the CIA is the world’s most effective pledge master. It’s true. These boys can turn the world’s most dangerous men into quivering balls of lard. It’s astounding, really.
We have been aware of this list for a few months, but it is more relevant than ever in the wake of the CIA torture scandal.
The list of songs reads like a pledge master’s wet dream. Play these euphonious melodies for hours and there isn’t a man on this planet that can withstand their effects.
“I Love You,” the well-known Barney song, and the Meow-Mix theme song are both on the list. These are absolute classics and two of my favorites, without a doubt.
The list goes on with an incredible selection of songs ranging from Eminem’s “The Real Slim Shady” to Queen’s “We Are The Champions.”
It’s a solid list overall. There are no obviously misplaced songs. However, I do believe it could be upgraded a bit. Let me add a few suggestions.
Finally, my personal favorite…
If you’re reading this, CIA (we all know you are), my email is below. I am always available should you need a new DJ during your questioning of terrorists. .
[via Mic.com]
Image via Shutterstock
Little Red Monkey still sends a shiver down my spine
10 years ago at 4:23 pmAs a newly elected Pledge Educator, thank you for this list Bogey. Gave me a couple new tracks to add to the playlist
10 years ago at 4:29 pmDon’t forget Eric Prydz “Call on Me”, I still can’t hear that song without flashbacks of being shoved into a tiny bathroom with 18 pledge brothers in tighty whiteys for hours on end.
10 years ago at 12:19 amThat sounds like a Saturday night at Dorn’s house.
10 years ago at 3:06 pmSafety Dance for 4 hours changed me forever.
10 years ago at 12:04 amIt’s not on this list, but they also played “Fuck Your God” by Deicide…
10 years ago at 4:29 pmI still cringe whenever i think of “This is my Horse”, or “Bacon Pancakes”
10 years ago at 4:42 pmWhat’s up pussycat would absolutely ruin your psyche.
10 years ago at 5:10 pmI think you’ll like this. Well worth watching all the way through
10 years ago at 7:35 amhttp://www.cc.com/video-clips/plvv4v/comedy-central-presents-what-s-new-pussycat
Fuck the music. String tie these savages to the ceiling by their shriveled danglers and beat them senseless until they talk. Way too many American lives at stake for the CIA to have to settle for this compromise of a torture method.
10 years ago at 5:15 pmChill out man.
10 years ago at 5:50 pmDo you disagree? Sure I’ll get lapped because of the “tell me how you really feel” factor on what is meant to be a humorous article but I stand by what I said.
10 years ago at 6:08 pmI’m sorry someone ruffled your nipples
10 years ago at 9:41 pmThanks for the consolation, Goose. After I’ve had some time to cool off and reflect on my aggressive behavior the teats are nice and mushy now.
10 years ago at 1:59 amTry this
10 years ago at 5:30 pmTry this http://youtu.be/nx0Lpjm5xcE
10 years ago at 5:30 pmThat tiptoe song has weirded me out ever since I saw Insidious.
10 years ago at 6:06 pmThe g major autotuned version of Miley Cyrus’s Wreckingball needs to be on the playlist.
10 years ago at 6:42 pm