Mailbag: Seeing Someone You Aren’t Attracted To, Having A Hard Time Getting Hard
7 years ago

Welcome to the TFM Mailbag, wherein I will answer your questions to the best of my ability. Send your questions to wescp4441@gmail.com. No topics are off limits.

Hello

This has been killing me for the past like 6 months and I need some help. I moved to North Carolina from the Boston area 2 years ago. In doing so I left behind a girl that I have been talking to for a combined 3 years now. My problem lies in the fact that she’s flat out in love with me and makes sure to tell me every single day and I just am not.

She wants to do the long distance thing and all that jazz but problem number 2 comes in because honestly I’m just not very attracted to the girl, a little explanation on why we started talking and still are if I don’t find her attractive would be that I just came out of a breakup at the time and had my beak in everything that walked as long as they’d let me (not my best moments). I don’t know if I’m just being ignorant or what but everything but looks is great, I just can’t get past it. Any advice helps hopefully I won’t feel like such a shitbag. Thanks

To be honest, I only skimmed through this question, so the advice I give might not be the very best. I did read the most important part, though: You are not physically attracted to this girl. It looks like you somehow managed to parlay a rebound hookup into a long-term situation, and now you’ll have to face the consequences. What I recommend in this situation is for you to transfer to a new school. It seems like you may have done that in the recent past, but the idea of going to school is to become smart so you don’t make decisions like this. Your current institution is obviously failing you in that regard, and it’s time to look elsewhere.

Hey,

So long story short I’ve been casually seeing this guy and he can’t get hard. We’ve tried to have sex probably 10 times since September. Some of the times we’ll try and nothing will happen and other times he’ll avoid it by going down on me. He will normally say he’s really stressed, too drunk or took some type of drug that day, but a few of the times he is completely sober.

I do kinda know it’s not me because he tried to hook up with my friends friend a few months back and I heard he couldn’t get hard either. Normally I wouldn’t care and move on but he’s just so good looking and we get along great. He also will be the one to asking to hangout during the day or for a 3am drunk booty call. I just wanted a guys opinion to what’s going on and why he keeps trying to hang out because my friends and I can’t figure it out. I wanna know if it’s worth it to keep perusing? Please help a girl out.

Thanks

On any other mailbag, you’d be told to be patient and let this guy know that things will be okay and that there’s not rush (of blood to his penis, amirite!?). Instead, I’m going to skip all the bullshit and give you only practical advice.

1. Make sure the room is decently warm. Reptiles need an outside heat source in order to function.

2. No guy has ever had a problem getting it up when they first wake up in the morning. That’s the time to strike.

3. Viagra has been available to the public for literally 20 years.

Hey man,

Got any advice for a senior who is supposed to graduate in a few weeks and is failing two classes (salvaging the grades could be possible but won’t be easy). Staying an extra semester isn’t an option because the two classes are only offered in the spring.

Thanks,

Rob

You’re so boned, Rob. I’m an optimist, but goddamn. You should consider a career in construction after such an efficient display of digging yourself into a giant hole. On the real though, you need to be eating, sleeping, and breathing your schoolwork until the clock strikes zero. I’m no Patriots fan, but start by watching the second-half highlights of Super Bowl 51. Once you’re pretty pumped, tear your studies a new one and make sure to use sensible amounts of Adderall to sustain your hard work.

I’m going to end this column before I recommend the use of anymore over-the-counter drugs. Peace.

Remember to send any and all questions you have to wescp4441@gmail.com.

  2. MightBePike

    Quality advice on all three. First one was kind of obvious but sometimes you just need to hear someone tell you what you already know.

    Second was very practical and will probably work. I’m thinking leave the socks on or even a shirt on too. Keep warm.

    Third, kind of obvious too. Not much else to say.

    7 years ago at 9:46 am
  3. Butanefratoil

    Wait BOTD works? How does she not have a sugar daddy? And second would she be taking applications for a sugar daddy?

    7 years ago at 6:54 pm
  4. Fratty Couples PGA

    Go get yourself some Canadian Cialis. Dirt-cheap and just as good as Viagra.

    It could instead be that your man masturbates CONSTANTLY, like THE VIRGINATOR.

    7 years ago at 8:42 pm
    1. thevaginator

      Having a hard time understanding why you’re still talking after you pussied out of our fight. You must just like dancing. Go on then small fry give us another

      7 years ago at 9:38 pm
      1. MightBePike

        Pussying out of showing is your tits doesn’t count as any good kind of pussying.

        7 years ago at 1:43 pm
      2. thevaginator

        Speaking of pussying out I’m still waiting for a time and place where i can knock your teeth in squirt

        7 years ago at 2:38 pm
  5. Dent

    Rob, my man. The only viable option at this point is being the biggest kiss ass of all time. That or go Jonah Hill in Superbad: “There’s three weeks left in school. Give me a fucking break.”

    7 years ago at 11:38 pm