Man Who Has Never Stepped Foot Inside Gym Has No Fucking Idea How To Use Machines, Hilarity Ensues

Ross Bolen11 years ago

The gym can be a confusing place. You just want to work up a sweat so your body can maintain some semblance of normal human form, but there are dozens of complicated machines scattered all over, some of which can be used in multiple different ways.

Intimidating. Terrifying. Dumbfounding.

Take this guy for example. He’s never set foot inside a gym in his entire life. One time, he stumbled across a 5-pound dumbbell while sifting through old boxes of underwear in his mother’s basement, lifted it over his head, and woke up three days later in a puddle of his own stale puke. That’s the only workout he’s ever done. So now, at the spry age of 36, after decades of celibacy, he’s decided to get a gym membership and turn his whole life around. Problem is, he has no idea how to use any of these fancy schmancy high-tech fitness machines.

A normal, socially experienced person would simply ask one of the gym employees, or any of the other noticeably non-retarded human beings within shouting distance, for a quick walkthrough tutorial. This guy, however, is way too antsy to get jacked, and way too terrified of human interaction, for any of that shit, so he jumps right in.

 

What I love about him, aside from his creativity, is his sheer grit and determination. Sure, the first rep was an absolute disaster, and the entire gym just watched you get dragged 10-feet across the floor by a machine you’re obviously not operating correctly, but don’t let that shit get you down! How’s that old saying go? “If at first you don’t succeed, do the exact same thing a second time and pray for different results?” That’s how I live my life, and it’s worked out pretty damn well so far.